Monday, 23 September 2013


1. Brethen, I, Iyalode ,greeteth thee and I bringeth forth glad tidings of great joy.

2. I writeth thee this day oh ye people with the greatest of joy in my heart and hopeth within me that thou art well and not weary or languid or sore distressed.?

3. I heareth that the villa needeth more overlords to fighteth the battle before us.

4. As an overlord, thou shalt willingly and freely seteth P with any handmaiden thou so desireth in the villa.

5. I bringeth thee laws of how thou shalt becometh an overlord

6. Wherefore , I reacheth out to thee this day and giveth onto thee the Laws that thou shalt abideth by if thou so desireth to be an overlord.

7. And thou shalt arise from amongst the underlords and becometh an overlord, for thou shalt doeth exceedingly great things with thy overlord statutes.

8. Was Theophilopolos not an underlord? The god of twitter showeth forth his mercy upon him and upgradeth his overlord status and now he becometh an overlord and hath goneth into the world to preach the twitpel.

9. To becometh an overlord is not a moi-moi-th thing.

10. I prayeth thee that thou shalt understandeth that the battle to becometh an overlord is not a battle of the soft hearteth

11. For we wrestleth not against gari and gin, but against every force and evil in places that sayeth thou wilt not achieveth overlordness.

12. And for thou to becometh an overlord, thou shalt obeyeth the rules and hearketh to the rules I bestoweth on thee this day.

13. Thy subjects shall exceedeth 50 scores.

14. Thy subjects shall at any time cometh to thy rescue when thine enemies striketh thee with afflictive words.

15. Thou shalt knoweth when thou shalt set P and thou shalt not just set P but SET P.

16. Thou shalt haveth plenty retweets and throweth gifts of subs.

17. Thou must be an activist and rebel against thy governor and his entourage.

18. Thou must haveth swag and thou shalt be moutheth.

19. Thou must not be foundeth wanting and neither shalt thou be neareth “nkan-nbe-eth”

20. Thou shalt be under a robust anointing to knoweth when thou attaineth the grace of overlordness and also knoweth when thou goeth off tangent.

21. Wherefore, I beseech thee that thou pondereth and medidateth on these laws as they may be most expedient for thee.

22. May the peace of the Lord be upon thee, and may the goodness of being an overlord not departeth from thine clan.

23. Greet one another with a holy kiss.

From the archives of the mischievous imagination of a crazy babe. Still crazy after all these years. (c)2013. all shekpes reserved.

Thursday, 12 September 2013

Ximena writes a letter....

1. I, Iyalode of Ijeshashire , a child of God and a citizen of Nigeria greeteth thee citizens of this country especially the great Jonathaponious the ruler of aso-rock and the governor of the provinces of NASS

2. It has cometh to my knowledge in the land of zambazoosuu that thou spendeth money foolishly.

3. I heareth ASUU embarketh on a strike because ye cant affordeth to meeteth the demands of them.

4. Does thou knowest not that thou gamblest with the future of thy youths?

5. Or hasth the Herod of old dwelleth amongst thee again?

6. Or does that knoweth not that as thou goeth to war with ASUU thou givest room for chaos to develop? As the youths may taketh up devices of the devil and becometh something else to the kingdom. Does thou knoweth not that an idle mind is the devil's workshop?

7. Wait! I heareth that thou ordereth for 53 gold plated iphones to celebrateth thy forth coming independence? i shocketh, i sigheth, i shaketh my head.

8. Is thou welleth at all?

9. Has thou solveth ASUU issue and putted food on the tables of thy citizens. ? Or does thou knoweth not that “vanity upon vanity, all is vanity” .

10. God watcheth and seeth all that ye dideth and shall exposeth thee all in the open.

11. Thou lettest me down, does thou knoweth not that the money for the phones can feedeth and clotheth and sponsoreth and giveth a new lease of life to the orphans and the widows?

12. Thou buyeth iphones at the expense of the future of the youths of thy country?

13. Does thou knoweth not that if thou buyeth the iphones thou shalt chargeth it in thy land with no power supply? Does thou knoweth not that NEPA can decideth to bloweth thy original charger and fryeth the panel of the phone? As they are no respecter of phones and man.

14. And then shalt thou begin to scamper all around computer and GSM village like a goat on heat, Or does thou hopeth to exported damaged phones for repairs?

15. May God forbideth such lest the gold plated iphones putteth thee in gobe.

16. And now I pray thee that thou negotiateth with ASUU and reacheth an agreement and calleth off the strike as the strike remaineth unpleasant to I and others.

17. Thou shalt likewise sharpeth thy brain and forfeiteth the idea of iphones and continueth to useth thy kpalasa phone thou has been using from time immemorial.

18. Greet one another with a holy kiss.

19. I resteth my case.

From the archives of the mischievous imagination of a crazybabe Stillcrazy after all these years. © Sept. 2013

Tuesday, 13 August 2013

Excuse me while i rant.

Excuse me while I rant But if you want to grumble go and jog round sahara desert then come back here, I will be waiting with a bottle of hot coca-cola of Life.

Where do I start from? My beloved country a land that once was calm and beautiful. It seems the centre no longer holds sef.?
The nation is no longer calm and sadly, some people haven’t gotten the memo that there’s fire on the mountain.
Where is the Nigeria of yesteryears? The Nigeria our parents loved and fondly talked about? The Nigeria our forefathers fought for?

Those who fought for our freedom must be rolling in their graves right now. The labours of our heroes past seems to be in vain. This is not the Nigeria they fought for? Who wants to fight for a country that is so ridden with corruption that I wonder how long it will take for them to legalize it sef?
A country that is as old as we are and after years of ‘independence’ we suffer from a chronic case of epileptic waraparicious power supply and somebody blames it on the winches? ( Abeg, free them winshes)
Like power supply isn’t an issue already, Boko Haram rears its ugly head and it is difficult for us to find a solution, but it is easy to pay an intelligence agency to spy on the internet activities of innocent ones like yours truly?
Boko Haram has been destroying lives and properties since God knows when and they are still gaining momentum. When are we going to deal with this boko Haram issue sef? Is it until they wipe out the entire nation? Or are you waiting for them to die a natural death?

Jesus Wept!!!

Maybe you don’t realize the magnitude of this wahala. Perhaps, you will when they cripple the economic activities in the north. Who knows you may just be on top of the situation and you are working towards crushing them in June. Except it was June of 2012 or is it 20-gbogboro Wake up who ever is in charge and smell the bongo tea.

Are you tired of listening to me rant? I just started..

As if this is not enough, ASUU is on strike and 40+ days later, we are frying puff-puff to mark the traditional 40 days outing service. Why?
It has gotten to a point that ASUU strike (ASK 340) is now a compulsory module and a course requirement for all undergrads. Shame!!! Oh btw, ASK340 --- means AsuuStriKe It has become a norm.
It seems your university education is incomplete without this course module. LE SIGH

Toh, After all has been ‘striked ‘and ‘struked’ our nearly done- half baked- medium rare graduates are thrown into the labour market. The market that never closes. How bad is that?
0 We deserve applause; so far we are going just great. Still trying to process this, behold another shocker!


As it is, it is the joy and life ambition of some perverted mentally derailed drosophila melagasta of a sorry excuse of a beast of no gender to marry a child. How real can you be? You feel comfortable marrying a child who is just discovering life and you make her a wife?
A huge responsibility like marriage on a child who doesn’t understand why y = 2x. But wait, have you given out your girl child (ren) in marriage(s) and you feel comfortable marrying one? If you don’t see any thing wrong in it, biko go and deep ya head in bar beach, you need liberation. And may God forgive you as you do so. Amen.
For what you are doing is man’s inhumanity to an innocent girl child.
Of course, I am just ranting. By the time you pipu will close this link, we shall forget all I have said.

Abeg , lemme go and look for cold coke to drink jare..
I cant come and go and kill myself..

From the archives of the mischievous imagination of a crazy babay Still crazy, still normal and loving it... Ximena © 2013

Thursday, 11 April 2013


I am being mischievous, if you wanna rejoin this issue, I beg you first of all go and mop the bar beach then you can come back and preach , you have the floor

Has anyone ever wondered or is it just me why we hold elaborate parties for our dearly departed? AS in “the liveband-fightoverRiceandPoundedYam kind of party oh (and no party is successful without someone complaining about not being served).

If they don’t complain, you aint doing it right.

Back to my story:

Someone dies and we celebrate the life they lived before (whether or not it was worth emulating) Whether they stole money and built houses in Dubai or they stole money and did the Robin Hood approach. We sha must celebrate a life well spent?

Toh, was the life indeed well spent or well wasted???

I sha don’t understand when they say they are not celebrating the life of the person but that they are sending forth the person.

Edakun (Excuse me) , sending forth to where???

Help me out!!!

You are sending someone forth to the great beyond and you are here on earth wining and dining and you leave them in a box? If you are sending them forth, shouldn’t you provide them with some “items” to take along for the journey??

Items like kulikuli, ijebu gari, roasted corn, agbalumo, fried fish , tinco etc. Should you not send them along with their degrees, dips and certificates, just in case they find a more “promising “ job in the “great beyond”

And also, some good clothes too. Abi you want them to starve and be naked in the “great beyond”

And besides, they probably will need a job too.

Abi efe kin wo shonkpa losi great beyond ni ( you want them to go there empty handed? )

Another one that baffles me, someone dies ( as in somersaults and dies( soggingly lojiji ) suddenly and burial takes place within that week. And then aso-ebi is out already.

Were they waiting for the person to die ni?

And those people who sing and dance to “ile lonlo tarara” how sure are you that “ile lonlo tarara”

Ile (home) might very well be Hades Or it may be heaven When you people are busy singing and dancing to “ile lon lo tarara” and the person is in hell nko? Do you know how many curses they will be pouring out from the “great beyond” especially if you used the monies they left behind for the parry???

Small time you people will say someone is doing you.

Curse cant catch you ba?

I’m out
From the archives of the mischievous imagination of a crazy baybay Still crazy after all these years © 2013

Monday, 25 March 2013


The Gospel as recorded in the book of Dashington Chapter 1: 1-15

And thou shalt soar thy wild oats upon the land and have many baby mamas.
Thou shalt have half a score
Wherefore thou shalt waketh up one day and decided to take the bone of thy bone
And thou shalt arise and proceedeth to the land of Ibom which lieth the town of Yuo
Ye shalt choose upon thy self a handmaiden( one of thy bàby mamas) from the lineage of Mac as wife.
And thou shalt be merry with all pomp and pageantry.
And this union shall be pleasing in the sight of the king of yuo and he shall bestow upon thee and thy handmaiden and gift of a beast from the east and thou shalt name the beast "PRADO".
And now thou shalt proceed across the waters to a land where thou shalt be joined in holy matrimony with thy handmaiden.
Thou shalt steal the shine from whoever tieth the knot on that day.
Thou shalt infiltrate social media and trend on twitter.
And behold, a man called David the son of Mark shall bestow upon thee another. gift and thou shalt name it FERRARI .
And the people shalt screameth and curseth the son of Mark for such evils.
And thou shalt return to thy father's land and take care of thy baby mamas
And thou shalt seek out Ximena the daughter of Ona-A
And thou shalt give her the ferrari and the Lord shalt bless thee and thy soul unto this day.
FROM the mischievous imagination of a crazy babe still crazy after all these years (C) 2013

Friday, 1 March 2013



Tune : Santa clause is coming to town.

“you better watch out,

You better not pout,

Better hide all ur shekpe bottles

Ala rinka’s coming to town”

His going around

Like a yoyo

Gonna find out

Who’s jobless as he

Alarinka’s coming to town “

Why is he coming to town? 1 wonder, its not like its Christmas or something . I don’t want to get bored but I heard from someone who heard from someone who had from someone that alarinka is on a good governance tour.

Good governance tour of what or who or why?

“What is being good governance ?” “Who is being good governed? “ Good governance for what?

Good governance of a visionless era?

Good governance of one bomb / week ?

Good governance of fuel subsidy removal?

Good governance of corruption?

Good governance of changing university names?

Good governance of inconsistent stories?

Or abi is it good governance of cassava bread?


Who asked him to do excursion? Oga oh, the geography teacher must be in a good mood oh, And parents of the good governance school must be extremely generous to fund this good governance excursion( tax payers money)

So now that Alarinka is going about sharing the good governance tidings? Someone tell me how does his visit affect the price of fish in the market.

Or does it prevent ori (Shea butter) from melting in the sun)

Or because Alarinka is coming to town I should now come and use ladder and climb knorr cube ?

Or use curry paste as liquid foundation?

And I heard that a certain ruler in far away igodomigodo land warned alarinka about his visit to his palace. Its not everyone that has time for irinkurin.

Some people have work to do nau.

Any one who wakas like alarinka is just looking for abuku and that was what he got when the ruler of igodomigodo land told him to bring along his food items when he is coming to town? Afterall , whenever you go visiting you don’t go empty handed, you must bear gifts of physical gifts and not gifts of good governance.

Is when you don’t have work to do that you begin to loiter the streets under the pretext of good governance tour.

He shall should remember that arinka nja bata sha.

And if he doesn’t have work to do , he should keep Nigeria clean by picking up the pieces of refuse as he waka’s about town.

Then we can now say we have come and have good governance of “keep Nigeria Clean”.
. from the archives of the mischievous imagination of a crazy babe. still crazy after all these years. ximena (c)2013

Sunday, 24 February 2013


A bucket list is said to be the list of things you want to do before you kick the bucket. In no particular order sha but I hope to achieve this before before becomes befored. THAT IS eye dot e, what id like to do, what id like to see and what I want. 1.
Travel back in time.
Visit like 120 countries or better yet travel around the world..
Climb Mount Everest.
Visit Ikogosi Warm Spring and spend 7 days ( who knows I may see the future of Nigeria) .
Fly a plane ( not the yerinbeto, sokinso Cessna oh . I mean a Boeing 747 )
Steal the moon and sell it on Ebay ( May God forgive me) .
Own the best ICT coy ever
have a cyber/ Food café
Sleep in the Sahara Desert for 3 days and 3 nights. ( I swear I will do it ) .
Ask Goodluck Jonathan why he refused to wear shoes ( or was it cos of the saying he who wears shoes knows where it pinches) .
Bungle Jumping ( weeeeeee-aaaaaaahhhhh) .
I’d like to see Reuben and Labaran enter molue. As driver and conductor respectively.
Be on tv ( nay, rain check!!!!) .
Trend on twitter. ( Need to wake up sha) .
I’d like to see the most transparent corrupt free government in the history of Nigeria. ( Hope its in my life time sha);
Stop stealing our money.
Education /Housing for all by the year 2000( ah, its 2013 already fa)
. 18.
Randomly slapping people on the road.
Become the president of Nigeria( Yes I can, I canner and I cannest,)
High Five her Majesty the Queen. ( well, anything is possible)
. I may be impish but Dear Lord I really wanna achieve at least 75% of this bucket list 1. At least that’s why its called My Bucket list 1 as I have like 3 more bucket list before I finally kick the bucket.
So help me God.

y'all should keep out of trouble, stay safe, Keep shining and remain blessed.
Still crazy and loving it. (c)2013.

Monday, 18 February 2013



So all the while kokumo- Lazarina was off our radar and said to be on a health farm (which farm isn’t healthy? Even Ganga farms are healthy) , or was on holiday abroad after the stress of the elections and thank you parties and what not? She wasn’t on Holiday? Boo- hoo how sad?

And the village town crier Ogbeni Adisa Apati was just going about with the iroyin ayo ( good news) that Lazarina was resting abroad… He was right technically tho’ we all were misinformed about the exact place she was resting.
She was obviously resting in the bosom of Abraham and not in the bosom of Abroad. Now to the koko of the matter: when she died where did her soul transcend to heaven or hell or was she just hovering undecided?
Lets assume she went to heaven. Now my question is this, How can you spend seven days in heaven and come back to this miserable earth ( abi this beautiful country ( im being sarcastic here) where they remove fuel subsidy and chop oil money and siphon pension’s fund and don’t give a damn about its masses.
For what ?? ehn Maka why nau?
Or did she come back to live in her mansion ni? The 4Billion naira mansion. How can it be that lazarina won’t set foot in her mansion? Ko possible mehn..

Or did she come back to give us a warning from the Lord Jesus Christ, that he is coming soon?

Can someone help me ask her what the place looked like? Was she not content walking thru the pearly gates and the streets paved with gold and the angels sing “HOSSANA IN THE HIGHEST”.
For the life of me Lazarina, why did you come back to earth?
Or did she go to hell???

I shudder to think she must have given the devil a tough time. He realized he had to evict her and fast about it too before she comes and kills him.
And suddenly she awoke , she awoke , halleluyah.

FROM THE ARCHIVES of a mischievous imagination of a crazy geh . still crazy after all these years (C) 2013.

Friday, 8 February 2013

letters to the valentinas as recorded in The Book of Love Chapter 14.

Jemimah and Ximena's letters to the valentinas as recorded in The Book of Love Chapter 14. (1) And thou shalt harken to the words of sense on this day.

(2)And it shall come to pass that on Valentine's day, excuses shall arise; Flat battery, I misplaced my phone, My BIS expired, Display picture on BB is refusing to change, My boss chose me for the trip, Traffic jams..etc. When thou seest these signs, be calm, keep thine heart in perfect peace and know that surely thou art not thine Boo's Boo.

(3)Do not let this revelation trouble thine heart, has the Lord not spoken? The heart of man is desperately wicked, who can know it?"

(4)Rejoice, again I say rejoice, Ye hath not reached thy bus stop!!

(5) And behold a day shall cometh when thy boo-boo shall traverse at thy bus stop and thou shalt rejoice in thy heart with exceeding great joy.

(6) And that blessed day cometh when thou shalt leave thy father, mother and be united with the boo-boo thou meetest at the bus-stop and thou shalt dance and sing and be happy.

.(7) And so i pray thee, oh child that thou shalt invite ximena to partake in the celebration of ofada rice,odeku, ponmo and iyan as the Lord provideth for thee.

(8) In all thy gettings on this day, get understanding! (9)The Grace of God be with you.

From the archives of the mischievous imagination of a crazy baybay stillcrazy (C) Ximena 2013