Thursday, 6 September 2012


I understand that companies come up with means of rewarding consumers. Sometimes, it could be monetary or otherwise. If you are lucky you can win a million naira or in some cases a tear rubber ochala ride. In times past, people have also won realistic consolation prices of all sorts ( you cant win the car but you won the keyring. Yaaah) . I remember winning prices from cocacola and gold spot/limca. Well, that was some ol’ centuries ago sha. And recently, I was lucky to get some freebies from coke also- anyway that was that millionaire stuff they did earlier in the year. Do I like awoof? No, I decided to try it out and see if they were genuine after all these years. Thank God they still are. Now, all these telecoms companies have come with their own hocus- pocus rubbish. I can still understand etisalad abi is it etisalat’s win a phone ish; like yea, they can afford to give out some phones to their esteemed customers abi? Whether it is a dual sim phone, blackberry or blackboru , capsule or tablet or even a mobile gadget that looks like a baby monitor. They can afford to do that. Even if after all the noise they have made they give 10 blackberries, 20 dual sim phones and 1 capsule out to their customers. It’s not a biggie, guess with all the recharges here and here it was bound to yield some dividend at the end of the day. But MTN came up with their own 100 people , 100 hyundai promo- till date no one has or had won any car.( I am YET TO SEE, ) They had another promo of being a millionaire by subscribing to a number and answering questions. And each question was 10 naira per sms. Now for every 10 naira/ sms / subscriber, calculate the no of subscribers who would subscribe to this service. For example , 100million MTN subscribers spend 100 naira every day playing this ‘tete’. And they play it straight for 30days hoping ‘their luck will shine’. Calculate the money the subscribers have lost and how much MTN has gained. Oya do the math sharply. And yet, till tomorrow I am yet to see anyone win any 4 wheeler oh. That isn’t even the issue. And as if that was not enough MTN now decided to insult its subscribers with MTN WIN AN AEROPLANE!!!!! What sort of aeroplane? A battery operated remote controlled plane? Or an actual plane with controls and a cockpit and the hello control tower this is pilot xyz of flight vs222 approaching odongunyan airport abi ? Like seriously, you guys are gonna give out that plane? You didn’t even think of win a house promo? Win a land promo? Or even MTN PIMP MY HOUSE PROMO?!!!! Aeroplane loun loun. Even if someone wins it, where will they ‘park’ it. Inside their garage or their bedroom? Do you give out such freebies in south Africa abi na only 9ja awoof go run belle? do you really think Nigerians will fall for this gimmick? There are better ways to reward your subscribers, insulting them is not part of the deal because I am sure that until the Lord tarries, no one will win any aeroplane oh. Aeroplane ko,aeromplan ni! Psheeeeeeew Call me doubting Thomasine, Scream ohh ye ximena of little faith, believeth thou in Mtn and thou shalt fly like the Apollo 11. Please prove me wrong. let there be winners or even a winner. Let people speak of the goodness of MTN and the church will chorus a resounding hallelujah and I want to be there live when the winner(s) is/are giving their special testimony above sea level,. I want to be a witness AND NOT AS SEEN ON TV ’. And I hope if someone does win the aeroplane, they won’t wake up in shock to realise it was all a bad dream oh? As in serious GBELO- GBEBO! Just start singing aeromplane odabo! Aeromplane bye- bye From the archives of the mischievous imagination of a crazybabe. Still crazy after all these years (C)2012 XIMENA

Friday, 4 May 2012

MY FRIEND JAMI(E)S I should have posted this a long time ago, well, better stale than sour ( hehehehe I just coined this)

They say dog wey no hear hunter voice wan lost. And so it is with my friend called Jami(e)s alabashe. Over skill and ojukokoro will be the end of this friend of mine. I told him to stop stealing oh, y’all know that God is against stealing and yorubas say who ever lies will steal. Small small sha mosquito bite will turn to malaria. When I was shouting this man is thiefing and stealing and robbing , nobody answered me and now that push has turned to shove they are disturbing me. Shebi his babalawo gave him fortification, go ye into the nation and steal from them. Local insurance premium covers you.

And I warned him oh, I said James, James , James farabale and steal this money oh. There were others before you and they never got caught oh. How is it that you alone want to have houses in each country in the world or have a fleet of cars. Friend mi James, this is ojukokoro oh. But no oh our friend thought he was wiser than king Solomon now . you sha want to have everything sha. Remember oh that some people are cursing you now that you are still alive and even in death when you are not an oloriburuku someborry .

When you die sef, heaven is not sure for you and even the devil (d dude with the horns on his fore head, a tail between his legs who wears the red tuxedo) will NEVER allow you any where near his hell. So you can come and steal his spoon abi? So you can imagine how unbearable it will be that you are neither here nor there. Now that oyinbo them haff dash you 13 years. Well, before you know it time will be up and ur lease will expire. So after all is jailed and serve, just remix p-square’s “ chop my money “ .

From the archives of the mischievous imagination of a crazy babe Still crazy after all these years

Monday, 5 March 2012

Hello people, yeah I know I’m been so inconsistent with my blog updates recently, vexeth not. Everything has changed am I am now (let’s leave it like that)

This post is to tell you of the transformation that’s gonna occur in my life and in the lives of those I may affect both cassavally and subsidically. You will have a breath of fresh air (not bros Js own , but the one and only ximena kan village geh kan’s own version)

Henceforth, we shall go on a diet and its called the cassava bread diet-------- cassava bread toh badt, if you eat it your life would never be the same again (May God have mercy). But I reject that diet in Jesus name . why? As for me and my household this 2012 , cassava bread is not my portion and Nigerians shall not live by cassava bread alone, but by lafun, garri ijebu either by soaking it as garuim sulphate and garnishing it with correct groundnut or making eba. Me, I sha reject cassava bread.

So any way, this 2012 I shall be unveiling a new me, I don’t need 1bn naira to feed or cassava bread. If I use 1bn naira to feed , I will start looking for money for gastric bypass and liposuction.

Olorun maje (God forbid or God catch winsh, same no ni)

Back to what I was saying sef My own transformation this year ehn, I will not carry last o. In this 2012, you shall see a new me, I will not remove subsidy on my life. Infact, I am not a redefined epitome of razzness. The old has surely passed away and behold a new me has been birthed (me, na evening skool I go o 4-7pm. So im not sure if the word ‘birthed’ is constructively and grammatically correct)

You will see me in my bling bling, over bleached skin (free tips on how to get this awesome skin rub relaxer all over ur body, leave for 20 mins, go to baba Sunday and ask for battery water, rinse thoroughly . apply any over the counter bleaching cream) , naturally blushed cheeks aka black/burnt cheeks---- no need for blush again yaaaaah…

Now I will start shewing shewing gum like ashawo ten kobo, And erm, I will be shouting on the top of my voice. Hence forth I will also like to be known as yeye awon razzcabal So if you see me drive by --------- holla at ya geh Peace out sorry I haff waka o God bless and nothing less.

From the archives of the mischievous imagination of a crazy girl Still crazy after all these years Ximena © 2012

Saturday, 3 March 2012

I am my own government

I, a citizen of Nigerian or so i am believed to think. When we were told don’t ask what you can do for your country but what your country can do for you. Sadly, how can we do anything for a country that has done nothing for us, I guess that saying has to be remodelled and rephrased. deep sigh

Or what can I, Ximena do for a country that has made no provisions whatsoever for my welfare. As it is right now the govt hasn’t made adequate provisions for our wellbeing. Basic Amenities that is the right of every citizen we have been deprived or simply put we produce ourselves,

There are so many Nigerians living way beyond poverty line as if that is not enough they decided to remove subsidy on fuel cos they are broke. More like we give you minimum wage and we take back our fuel subsidy. Apparently, they do not know the effect the removal of fossil fuel subsidy will have on d masses, here is a break down: let us assume Mr Chibuidum Subsidy earns 25K per month and you expect him to buy fuel at 141 naira/ litre. How do you expect him to survive when he has? 1 mouth to feed 2. School fees to pay 3, transportation cost to cover 4. Rents 5, medical expenses 6 Utility bills to settle A child who is ill and aged parents back in the village.

Now with d removal of subsidy, everything has increased geometrically and exponentially and sadly, his salary remains stunted. How do they expect him to survive on d same salary structure? If Nigeria is broke, it isn’t our fault. We provide everything by and for ourselves, including medicals and excluding the breathe of fresh air. Do can we even get free medicals in a public hospital, cos i am sure they will charge you for sitting on their plastic chairs in the reception.

If Nigeria is broke, cut off your excesses and your wasteful spendings, we were not a part of it in the first instance. We will not clean up your messes by making us suffer, Remove the subsidy on corruption cut out d unnecessary ,estacodes outrageous ssalaries of NASS and get rid of some Specially prepared specilia also known as Special Advisers since there is nothing special about their advices.

For a country that is still developing or in its “stage of nascent democracy “,(i love d word nascent... ) our senators earn well too much; let there be a principle of checks and balances. Let the senators earn 50k per month and let them feel d effects and I am sure they will come out with their own ~#occupythis.

You have provided nothing for us, why should we suffer for you. For a govt that hasn’t been prudent in her spending, how can we trust you with our oyeel-subsidy money?

Our senior citizens cry and groan over none payment of arrears, pensions and gratuity, sadly some struggle and die in d process. Why do you think we can trust you with our money ever again when you haven’t provided discounted bus fares for students and the over 60s? Medically we suffer. Our roads are not good and all we have got is the valley of the shadow of death.

How about security, police bullets n brutality strikes you by day and armed robbers’ machetes strikes you by night. A country that can’t boast of constant power supply. 2012 don come oh ( perhaps soundsultan should do a revised edition of his go buy candle song)

As it is I produce my own source of power supply ,my own source of water supply, the govt doesn’t feed me neither do they care if I live, eat or drink. I even go as far as providing my own security as I can’t even trust my life with the Nigerian police. (I no wan die for earth go collect query for heaven)

So don’t ask me what I can do for my government cos , I AM MY OWN GOVERNMENT