Wednesday, 28 July 2010

is there still hope--??

Ximena is angry – VERY angry

I remember back then Nigeria was termed the giant of Africa one would have thought they were gonna metamorphose from a giant to a mega giant as would any biological specie and term growth and development …..

For every individual that attains any golden jubilee be it a wedding anniversary or a birthday celebration or even a call to bar, there usually is a call for celebration. But in rare cases where they are ill or too “disheartened to celebrate it is usually low keyed.. A show of gratitude.

Nigerians have complained for too long, matter of fact we’ve been complaining since I was a foetus, and we are still complaining donkey years and time o’clock after.

Fast forward to 2010 and Nigeria celebrates her 50th independence anniversary - but I ask myself do we have any thing to celebrate and the answer is YES, yes we must celebrate. Celebrate the fact that collectively as a nation we have failed not just ourselves but the world.

Waking up to discover that the budget for the owanbe had suddenly received some special anointing and grew from what ever billion to 17 billion naira.. WTH!!!! ????
17 billion for a celebration when all is not well??? So, someone please tell me how much would they have budgeted for the jamboree if every thing was in order and we had every thing at our disposal?

I quite get the drift that we want to celebrate in style but before we celebrate should we not ask ourselves these questions

How many Nigerians eat 3 square meal a day?
How many Nigerians own at least a car?
How many civil servants actually live on their salaries in a month, without resorting to borrowing mid month?
How many Nigerians have not asked for salary advance?
How many Nigerians have access to the basics, i.e? Water, electricity?
How many Nigerians have a proper roof over their heads?
How many Nigerians are unemployed?
How many Nigerians do not have access to Medicare or even first aid?
How many Nigerians are dying for lack of medical facilities?
How many pensioners have you seen begging on the streets?
How many Nigerians are dying of easily preventable diseases?
How many Nigerians are unable to continue their education as a result of funding?
How many Nigerians are suffering and smiling and saying “e go better “or “God will intervene in his time”
How many Nigerians silently suffer

Did I miss the memo or something? Am I the only one who thinks that 17 billion naira is a waste of money and an insult to me, but if channelled into the appropriate resources could gradually put us back on the map where we belong? It seems to me that spending such a huge amount on a celebration doesn’t make an iota of sense, 17 billion – it’s like the new memory verse for the year.

if any one so desperately wants to have an independence celebration – hold a special inter denominational service and pray for the country. The other option is to gather your friends and well wishers offer them pop corn and Schweppes and watch NTA NETWORK SERVICE (assuming the mighty nepa co-operates).

Do I not have every right to be angry and give up when they want to spend so much, but the citizens live on so less?

I ask myself that all our leaders do they have the fear of God in them.
Have we allowed evil to thrive in the land for so long those we now thing that evil has become good?

The book of proverbs chapter 29 verse 2 (the Jerusalem bible version) says

Is this the time for righteous men of God to arise?
Is it time for God to arise and let his enemies be scattered? (Psalm 68:1)

If they still want to go ahead and blow money over nothing, then they can be my guest. Like the saying goes “ he who goes a-borrowing , goes a-sorrowing”

Is there a ray of hope for the poor, the aged, the orphans, the unemployed , the widows and the less fortunate?

Are we still waiting for God to come down and deliver us ? .Or perhaps it is time for us to turn from our wicked ways and seek the face of the Lord truthfully as quoted in 2nd chronicles 7:14
then my people who are bear my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my presence and turn from their wicked ways, I MYSELF WILL HEAR FROM HEAVEN and forgive their sins and RESTORE THEIR LAND!!!”

Still crazy and vexing

Tuesday, 13 July 2010


There are many ways of celebrating some people like it low keyed – go to your place of worship , have a thanksgiving service and invite your society members and the congregation for a small “come chop “ party, not forgetting the fact that your friends and neighbours will stroll in later that evening.

The other category of people prefers the “aiye aigbo orun amo” kinda of party. It isn’t all about money oh, it’s all about show off and what better time to show off, now what we are fimty yias old.
So this is how I think we can save money and still have a blast call it JAMBOREE 101 OWANBE @ 6.6 COWRIES

Anyway every one has to contribute if they want their names to go into the history pages.
Well, we know that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad visited you a while ago and there are speculations that he has erm what do they call it nuclear weapons. Assuming it is true, just ask him for a carton or kpali of fire works like bisco and banga that should add a bit of sparkle to the celebration and you save


Upload pictures on facebook, flicker, twit pix... stop stressing

Jingle advert billboards documentaries- don’t worry about that all you have to do is twit it , then facebook it and people will like it – you save N320 million. Its free thanks to zukky

Chevron, Mobil , shell etc have been in the country for so long , way before most of us were born, this is their time to contribute to the economy and I am not talking oil spillage here. They can supply kerosene and fire wood together with dimsuu(diesel ) and pentirol (petrol) to power the generators seeing that we cant RELY on nepa on this one, before they disgrace us when we be boogying it down on the dance floor. You know there is no parry without music oh

Mama Charlie colonized us they should be happy that despite all the malaria, kwashiorkor and warapa cabal and zonses that inflicted us, we made it to 50. Many would have died as a result of lack of medical facilities, but we thank God that we attained the age of 50. It would only be fair that they also contribute after all their shild has clocked 50 and it is marvellous in their eyes. They should supply us security according to the riches of Scotland Yard

Austria, Switzerland and Indonesia should supply the aso-ebi. Indonesia can supply the Ankara while Austria and Switzerland can supply the laces required. Or what’s the point of a Nigerian owanbe without aso-ebi, it usually adds colour to an event (even though I sometimes think it is vain). Let it be as a sort of congratulatory gift especially from Switzerland since we have boosted their economy when our hard earned ego visits their banks on business and pleasure. I am sure aso-ebi is also known as miscellaneous – you save N120 million

Don t bother with that just ask South Africa to donate the balloons, drapes etc they used in the last world cup; I am sure they will be willing, after all what brothers are for?

Now we have the basic in place, its now time for the main de main- the koko of the party

Guinness and Coca-Cola must contribute after all most Nigerians have a friend called udeme and also a beer time of 17:59.; you know we cant serve our shildrens Guinness lest they get drunk over us, however we can give them coca-cola even though it will make them high --.
these companies must supply all our drinks according to the ‘oti ‘and ogogoro in their depots. If they tell you they cant afford it , tell them their lease is up and you wont be renewing their tenancies and someone else would be moving in – STRONG BROW BEER and TANDI GUARANA SOFT DRINKS BOTTLING PLC

What is a party without?
This is that stage of the party where you will see posh razzing up over a plate of rice and moi- moi.
Just write to 50 countries tell them you need a favour 15 bags of rice per country shouldn’t affect their economies. Jamaica and Brazil can supply for the beans for the moi- moi

Malaysia can supply the barrels of ground nut oils and palm oils
Taiwan and china can supply the pots and adogan together with 10 very long and big omorogun (spatula, eba turner. whatever you wanna call it)
Ask Pakistan to donate the condiments i.e. pepper and tomatoes. We grow onions in our own back yard we can afford it
We know party meats are usually the same size of the crown of a cork, that too can be found at our own back yard. So meat shouldn’t be a problem…

And yes, I do have a donation – a box of matches—

Ask Howard Webb to distribute the rest of the yellow cards he didn’t give out in south Africa- he still has a container load on the high sea

Please note that all members of this 6.6 committee will also serve as members of shago-shago committee
We don’t want litters around
Keep Nigeria clean

From the archives of the mischievous imagination of a crazy baybay
Still crazy after all these years and loving it

Monday, 12 July 2010


History was made when Barack Obama became the first black president of the United States in 2009. History was made again in 2010 when the republic of South Africa hosted the world cup. The very first time on African soil and I must saw a lot of Africans connected to this.
History was made again when the Spaniard warriors and the orange boys met in the finals of the world cup. The first of its kind on African soil. The very first time the Spaniards will get to the final and I think (I stand corrected) a third of the orange boys. Either way, if either of them had won it would have been the very first time the team would win the world cup. And also the first European team to win the tournament on African soil.

The custodians of the competitions, Argentina, Italy, France, Germany, England, and Uruguay vanished like melted butter. How the mighty are truly fallen. I am sure most people would think that Spain would not qualify for the next round and perhaps the Germany machines might be the world champion.

But the spirit of first time had some thing in store for us,

And then came octadamus. The psychic octopus that kept on predicting correctly. Was it a true prediction, or was it psychology?
Was it remotely possible that both teams believed the octopus? Could it be that Holland gave up and just decided to play the match knowing fully well that Spain was going to win? Or did the Spanish team put in the best team work, determination and enough agility to make their country proud. After all it was their first time to reach the finals.
Whatever the case, octadamus acted as a catalyst and also made history as the first octopus to predict a winning team
There really is always a first time for every thing.

And then the first goal, the only goal that saw Spain become the world champions for the first time ever. And they remain champions for the next four years.
I hope the octopus would predict correctly the next country to host the world cup so I can book my flight ticket in advance. Who knows I might get 95% off.
There is always a first time, remember?

And then came the referee who came with a Ghana must go bag full of yellow cards, the way he was issuing it out like a wedding invite was alarming.

If you dare blink, you get a yellow card. Any attempt at a free kick automatically guarantees you a yellow card. But, I wonder why the karate kick deserved a yellow card instead of a red?

Perhaps, if the linesmen and the commentators had brought to his attention that the player deserved a red card, he probably would have issued every one in the stadium a yellow card. Hey, he had a bag full of it; it would be enough to go round.

It would have been funny if he had given all the players a yellow card. It would be the first time in history the players of both teams would be booked
Sweet history

If MTN knows the main-de-main they will employ the referee to be ambassador seeing as he likes the colour yellow

Seeing that clearly octadamus had predicted and it has come to pass and as we approach 2011, it is only imperative the consult the oracle on who might likely win after the first attempt or even the third attempt and put the rest finally the issue of zoning and zombieing.

I wouldn’t sign out without giving kudos to RSA for a job well done. Did any one see the beautiful view of the stadium, or was I the only one that saw the glorious sun set. It was truly awesome. That was a job well done and I hope other African countries might learn some event planning skills from this tournament

Thursday, 8 July 2010


The journey was long
I climbed the mountains
Fell between the valleys, hills, panes

Just when I thought the journey was over

I came across the sea

The sea breeze was calm, it was serene and I felt your presence
The gentleness of the ocean, whispered to me
And suddenly, the sea became angry

It roared so loudly I fell
Fell into the Dead Sea

I rose up and fought against the tide
Because you gave me power over all
But the sea was too powerful
It nearly took me away

Half way THRU
I fought
I cried
I struggled

I nearly gave them
And then I remembered
Half way through the journey
I remembered the popular verse
through many dangers toils and snares
I have already come
Taws grace that brought me safe thus far
And grace will lead me home

Your promises I remembered
As told to the prophet
should you pass thru the sea, I will be with you;
Or through rivers, they will not swallow you up

And I spoke peace to my soul
And I heard a voice
Commanding the storm
Peace be still
I looked around
No one
No not one
Just the voice
And suddenly
The same voice the winds and waves obey

i became weary,my bones ached
my soul tired
my spirit became weak

And suddenly i was lifted
Lifted above the seas and above the problems of life
Your grace saved me from the raging storm
You lifted me above all my problems…

Gently you lay me down away from harms way
You wrapped me in love tender mercies and loving kindness

your grace truly is sufficient for me
I have found peace, perfect peace

in this dark world of sin
Now I have entered into my rest

Safe and sound

Knowing you are just a whisper away and watching over me

In light inaccessible hid from our eyes
Most blessed most glorious the ancient of days
Almighty , victorious thy great name we praise

Tuesday, 6 July 2010

is nigeria really 50 ??

ah ximena herald is back .. yaaaah and i write to the president even though i am 50 percent certain he may not read this..
oh dia ---

You were called GOODLUCK for reasons known only to your family. Like they say what is in a name, a lot I must say. The name GOODLUCK speaks for itself, GOOD and LUCK and I am certain the name also carries with it the same power as the name Jonathan.
Well, fate has it that in 2010 that you will be the president of the country, would you have known? I bet your crystal ball would not have told you the specials God had planned for you

Ok, let me get to the issue at hand. Cyberspace rumour has it that ***whispering *** N16.4billion has been set aside for the anniversary celebration. Agreed that we can only be 50 once, yeah the much awaited golden jubilee is finally here or is nearly here. However, I must buttress that there is no point wasting such a huge amount of money on flamboyant pomp and pageantry for a celebration that wouldn’t last a week. Such is vanity
Oh vanity…
Spending 16.4 billion naira for a celebration that would last a week or less, invited guests will eat clean mouth and waka and the country will be in debt

No fireworks on the 4th of July because of budget cuts
I quite understand the fact that the world wants to rejoice with us, but lets look at the economic climate here and I must say that money is too much to spend on any celebration.

Let’s assume for the duration of the note that I am in custody of the said amount, I will not bother celebrating when most if not all of the citizenry suffers silently. One in three Nigerian family lives below poverty line
There are other ways to celebrate with Nigeria and spend the money; at least every family will be affected by this gesture DIRECTLY.

From 16.4 billion naira pay up the pensioners. Give them bonuses, pay interest on the back log of unpaid pensions, they have served the nation and it’s high time the nation repays the toils of their youth. Try and pay in advance, balance and arrears. These senior citizens will be more than happy to include you in their prayer points until the Lord tarries.

There are a lot of intelligent students who do not have a means of survival and livelihood and for reasons known to you and I cannot pay their way through schools and have to drop out some where down the road to success, your administration can provide bursaries, scholarships, grants and loans what ever you can do to enable them complete their education and contribute to the nation.

For the graduates who haven’t gained a reasonable employment after graduation, create jobs build conglomerates, build factories something they can do and love. The resources are there to generate income for these graduates and drastically reduce the level of unemployment.

The police force funny as it may sound should be over-hauled, recycled and rehabilitated. I think its high time we upped our games and be placed in the category of the metropolitan police in the U.K. (smiles)
Give them better packages, hazard pays, death benefits, and good remuneration package. And proper training on how to handle a gun. We don’t want to hear stories of stray bullets flying like ripe mangoes falling out of a tree. Before I forget forensic department, a CSI department in the LAS GIDI POLICE DEPARTMENT

Build cancer research centres at least ten in a country so at least people can at least travel tri state without having to travel far and abroad.
Re-equip hospitals, let their be a local health centre in every local government, ok lets make it two instead that should cover the plague of “over-crowding” in the receptions.

And how can I ever forget, the major strain in the back bone of every Nigerian both at home and abroad – NEPA/PHCN /PROBLEM HAS CHANGED NAME/PLS HOLD CANDLE NOW usually called the children of darkness. Fifty years after we still fight the principalities and powers called P.H.C.N and now just suffer an occasional black out but an incessant and perpetual power outage.
little wonders a child’s first words are “up nepa”

The truth is I did include nepa in my prayer point, but I stopped they have just refused to change, especially after hearing excuses like it was too sunny , less water in the dam, it rained heavily, etc etc.

We have burnt candles. Lit lanterns, halogen lamps, shakabula, mobile phones but the problems still persist. That goes to show that candles and fuels cannot wade off the evil that loves darkness.

However, we can try generating electricity by using renewable energy, waste products, etc. that should generate some thousands of megawatts at least. Oh yes, I think you should re christen them G-power you know like Good luck power- they just might bring good luck to you and I.

Let’s do something that every Nigerian alive, dead and unborn will appreciate...

I will stop here for now… as it is customary with me I always have a part 2, this time its information technology, education and the roads.
I am hibernating to write part 2 but remember
to make akara you have first got to grind the beans

Friday, 2 July 2010

oh dear what a calamity !!!

naija sha

Here i was oh starring at my laptop and wondering what to write on, since obviously i wasn’t going to give myself the luxury of writing about the world cup, not now and not after independence...
I don’t see anything wrong in associating with the winning side, but when it becomes extreme, it just tends to be hypocritical

Ghana - Uruguay match has come and gone and logging on to facebook what greets me. Information overload; the hype—again

The same hype that greeted me the day Barack Obama became president, the same hype that clouded my screen when MJ passed on. And now,
every Nigerian i know on fib well, most of them ... i may be a bit generic here but every one has suddenly become Ghanaians and Ghanaians, just like that..

I give it to Ghana they played well as did England and Brazil!!!!

And now the what ifs

So what if Ghana had lost in the first round, i am sure insults will be flying left right and centre....

But the super eagles lost -- yeah that i consider typical or were you guys expecting some sort of football miracle, when they keep on recycling the same people, world cup in world cup out... oh purleease people it’s like garbage in, garbage out

So what if
Super eagles did crash out in the quarter finals, they will still be termed incompetent

And Ghana had lost out: what if Ghana and Nigeria met in the finals ----???
Where would your allegiance lie????

When good luck became president, everyone became good luck…… typical
I was just wondering oh, how many people will change their nationality to Ghana and re-christen themselves osei, yaw, ababio, nana, afua, akor, trakasau, akua before the end of today.

i get the fact that everyone wants to be associated with success and like they say success has many brothers, failure is an orphan-- but isnt it necessary to also give a word of encouragement to the orphans like the super eagles.....

while most people drown and bask in the sorrow of the game , and yeah i am a football fan,life goes on .

i only wonder what information overload i am gonna get next week :-|