Monday, 23 September 2013

THE LAW OF OVERLORDS CHAPTER 1 VERSE 1 -END

1. Brethen, I, Iyalode ,greeteth thee and I bringeth forth glad tidings of great joy.

2. I writeth thee this day oh ye people with the greatest of joy in my heart and hopeth within me that thou art well and not weary or languid or sore distressed.?

3. I heareth that the villa needeth more overlords to fighteth the battle before us.

4. As an overlord, thou shalt willingly and freely seteth P with any handmaiden thou so desireth in the villa.

5. I bringeth thee laws of how thou shalt becometh an overlord

6. Wherefore , I reacheth out to thee this day and giveth onto thee the Laws that thou shalt abideth by if thou so desireth to be an overlord.

7. And thou shalt arise from amongst the underlords and becometh an overlord, for thou shalt doeth exceedingly great things with thy overlord statutes.

8. Was Theophilopolos not an underlord? The god of twitter showeth forth his mercy upon him and upgradeth his overlord status and now he becometh an overlord and hath goneth into the world to preach the twitpel.

9. To becometh an overlord is not a moi-moi-th thing.

10. I prayeth thee that thou shalt understandeth that the battle to becometh an overlord is not a battle of the soft hearteth

11. For we wrestleth not against gari and gin, but against every force and evil in places that sayeth thou wilt not achieveth overlordness.

12. And for thou to becometh an overlord, thou shalt obeyeth the rules and hearketh to the rules I bestoweth on thee this day.

13. Thy subjects shall exceedeth 50 scores.

14. Thy subjects shall at any time cometh to thy rescue when thine enemies striketh thee with afflictive words.

15. Thou shalt knoweth when thou shalt set P and thou shalt not just set P but SET P.

16. Thou shalt haveth plenty retweets and throweth gifts of subs.

17. Thou must be an activist and rebel against thy governor and his entourage.

18. Thou must haveth swag and thou shalt be moutheth.

19. Thou must not be foundeth wanting and neither shalt thou be neareth “nkan-nbe-eth”

20. Thou shalt be under a robust anointing to knoweth when thou attaineth the grace of overlordness and also knoweth when thou goeth off tangent.

21. Wherefore, I beseech thee that thou pondereth and medidateth on these laws as they may be most expedient for thee.

22. May the peace of the Lord be upon thee, and may the goodness of being an overlord not departeth from thine clan.

23. Greet one another with a holy kiss.

From the archives of the mischievous imagination of a crazy babe. Still crazy after all these years. (c)2013. all shekpes reserved.

Thursday, 12 September 2013

Ximena writes a letter....

1. I, Iyalode of Ijeshashire , a child of God and a citizen of Nigeria greeteth thee citizens of this country especially the great Jonathaponious the ruler of aso-rock and the governor of the provinces of NASS

2. It has cometh to my knowledge in the land of zambazoosuu that thou spendeth money foolishly.

3. I heareth ASUU embarketh on a strike because ye cant affordeth to meeteth the demands of them.

4. Does thou knowest not that thou gamblest with the future of thy youths?

5. Or hasth the Herod of old dwelleth amongst thee again?

6. Or does that knoweth not that as thou goeth to war with ASUU thou givest room for chaos to develop? As the youths may taketh up devices of the devil and becometh something else to the kingdom. Does thou knoweth not that an idle mind is the devil's workshop?

7. Wait! I heareth that thou ordereth for 53 gold plated iphones to celebrateth thy forth coming independence? i shocketh, i sigheth, i shaketh my head.

8. Is thou welleth at all?

9. Has thou solveth ASUU issue and putted food on the tables of thy citizens. ? Or does thou knoweth not that “vanity upon vanity, all is vanity” .

10. God watcheth and seeth all that ye dideth and shall exposeth thee all in the open.

11. Thou lettest me down, does thou knoweth not that the money for the phones can feedeth and clotheth and sponsoreth and giveth a new lease of life to the orphans and the widows?

12. Thou buyeth iphones at the expense of the future of the youths of thy country?

13. Does thou knoweth not that if thou buyeth the iphones thou shalt chargeth it in thy land with no power supply? Does thou knoweth not that NEPA can decideth to bloweth thy original charger and fryeth the panel of the phone? As they are no respecter of phones and man.

14. And then shalt thou begin to scamper all around computer and GSM village like a goat on heat, Or does thou hopeth to exported damaged phones for repairs?

15. May God forbideth such lest the gold plated iphones putteth thee in gobe.

16. And now I pray thee that thou negotiateth with ASUU and reacheth an agreement and calleth off the strike as the strike remaineth unpleasant to I and others.

17. Thou shalt likewise sharpeth thy brain and forfeiteth the idea of iphones and continueth to useth thy kpalasa phone thou has been using from time immemorial.

18. Greet one another with a holy kiss.

19. I resteth my case.

From the archives of the mischievous imagination of a crazybabe Stillcrazy after all these years. © Sept. 2013

Tuesday, 13 August 2013

Excuse me while i rant.

Excuse me while I rant But if you want to grumble go and jog round sahara desert then come back here, I will be waiting with a bottle of hot coca-cola of Life.

Where do I start from? My beloved country a land that once was calm and beautiful. It seems the centre no longer holds sef.?
The nation is no longer calm and sadly, some people haven’t gotten the memo that there’s fire on the mountain.
Where is the Nigeria of yesteryears? The Nigeria our parents loved and fondly talked about? The Nigeria our forefathers fought for?

Those who fought for our freedom must be rolling in their graves right now. The labours of our heroes past seems to be in vain. This is not the Nigeria they fought for? Who wants to fight for a country that is so ridden with corruption that I wonder how long it will take for them to legalize it sef?
A country that is as old as we are and after years of ‘independence’ we suffer from a chronic case of epileptic waraparicious power supply and somebody blames it on the winches? ( Abeg, free them winshes)
Like power supply isn’t an issue already, Boko Haram rears its ugly head and it is difficult for us to find a solution, but it is easy to pay an intelligence agency to spy on the internet activities of innocent ones like yours truly?
Boko Haram has been destroying lives and properties since God knows when and they are still gaining momentum. When are we going to deal with this boko Haram issue sef? Is it until they wipe out the entire nation? Or are you waiting for them to die a natural death?

Jesus Wept!!!

Maybe you don’t realize the magnitude of this wahala. Perhaps, you will when they cripple the economic activities in the north. Who knows you may just be on top of the situation and you are working towards crushing them in June. Except it was June of 2012 or is it 20-gbogboro Wake up who ever is in charge and smell the bongo tea.

Are you tired of listening to me rant? I just started..

As if this is not enough, ASUU is on strike and 40+ days later, we are frying puff-puff to mark the traditional 40 days outing service. Why?
It has gotten to a point that ASUU strike (ASK 340) is now a compulsory module and a course requirement for all undergrads. Shame!!! Oh btw, ASK340 --- means AsuuStriKe It has become a norm.
It seems your university education is incomplete without this course module. LE SIGH

Toh, After all has been ‘striked ‘and ‘struked’ our nearly done- half baked- medium rare graduates are thrown into the labour market. The market that never closes. How bad is that?
0 We deserve applause; so far we are going just great. Still trying to process this, behold another shocker!

CHILD NOT BRIDE .

As it is, it is the joy and life ambition of some perverted mentally derailed drosophila melagasta of a sorry excuse of a beast of no gender to marry a child. How real can you be? You feel comfortable marrying a child who is just discovering life and you make her a wife?
A huge responsibility like marriage on a child who doesn’t understand why y = 2x. But wait, have you given out your girl child (ren) in marriage(s) and you feel comfortable marrying one? If you don’t see any thing wrong in it, biko go and deep ya head in bar beach, you need liberation. And may God forgive you as you do so. Amen.
For what you are doing is man’s inhumanity to an innocent girl child.
Of course, I am just ranting. By the time you pipu will close this link, we shall forget all I have said.

Abeg , lemme go and look for cold coke to drink jare..
I cant come and go and kill myself..

From the archives of the mischievous imagination of a crazy babay Still crazy, still normal and loving it... Ximena © 2013