OPEN LETTER TO BISCO

Dear power people or what ever you are called now , It is with great pleasure from the back that I write this letter.

Should I be asking how you are? That would be a waste of resources. I heard gist sha, I hear you guys were formerly known as "electricity corporation of nigeria (ECN) and that time your head was kwarect.

That if you "want to take light" ( me, I won't write cut off power supply, this letter is not english composition) As I was saying, they say you people used to announce that you want to take light.

But nay, times have changed. You will just carry light like camel that has no home training.

*inserts hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssss*

But we will light candle and start singing “ I am the future of the world , I am the hope of my nation…”

So what happened now? What changed? Ok, you people changed name to NEPA- National Electric Power Authority. (otherwise known as Never Expect Power Always.)

When authority enters something wahala must dey. You people will be flexing muscles on top of light, abeg enter iyana-oworo and flex muscles there joor.

you people did authority so tey una authority una sef to NEP PLC (No Electric Power, Please light candle)

and then you changed name again ashawo people.. to PHCN.

Power Holding Company of Nigeria ( yorubas have a saying like oruko lon so eniyan...)

And ever since you started calling your self Holding , you've been holding the light as if you will receive specially moulded slap from Lord Voldermont.

*interlude* Let there be light .... *ends interlude*

Has your life improved with this name changing and changes. ?

Shebi you know the original meaning of PHCN is PROBLEM HAS CHANGED NAME. You just changed name, no difference and And now you are BISCO- DISCO-GENCO-SISCO-REENCO-EJETERAMCO

Be giving us light 10seconds per day! Kilode, what is our offence? Did your babalawo say it is us that is doing you people ni?

This one you people are behaving like this on earth? Shey you won't carry this madness to heaven oh? will you see the road to heaven with your attitude?

Can you people see your lives outside? Sheri aiye yin lode! Upgrade your service nau, its only in this country people charge half full batteries. Spend more money on fuel than your actual "estimated, ridiculous monthly bills. Pity your conditions na. And the days you decide to give us light, we know that bill is coming the next day. Bill that even devil will shout. You kukuma cannot give us light 24/7 sef. Light that we rarely see to use and iron our cloth and watch feelim. Wait fest, Where do you people even see light to print the bills sef?

I forgot to mention something sef, you see when you suddenly cut light lojiji I just start singing “Ese ni bi eti bere Ese ibi teba de Adupe oh nepa Eti mu na lo”

I am yours sincerely @madamedemadame

From the archives of a mischievous imagination of a crazy babey still crazy after all these years. ©IYALODE 2014

TEA WAHALA

THE LIPTON FIASCO I am a tea drinker or a tea drunk. , I love tea and my tea loves me . God bless my tea and God bless me.
I drink all sorts of tea and I love it from camomile tea to green tea, to mistletoe tea to moringa tea. I love my tea. Heaven and earth may fade away, but God forbid my tea fades away.

If you do agbo in a teabag I will drink it. I have different collections of teas in my house. One fateful day I ran out of tea and eventually settled for the N20.00 lipton sachets ones, but I then decided to just go and buy a packet of tea bag and off I went to the store to go buy lipton + other groceries.

There were teas and there are teas but I had a mission to accomplish, I had to conquer the unconquerable. I saw lipton tea calling on me, pick me, pick me and I picked it and what did I see on the pack “open to win an suv “. I can actually drink tea and win and ESSUUUHUUVEEE!!! I CAN kill two birds with one stone. Somebody shout halleluyah!!!

I used my hand picked up the tea, put it in the shopping basket alongside other groceries, walked up to the till, removed money from my back pocket, smiled at the cashier while thinking of the beautiful ESSUUHUUUVEE , paid the cashier, collected my balance, carried my groceries, bye-byed the cashier, opened the door my self , called okada, climbed okada, alighted at my destination, power walked to my house, opened my gate, entered my house, sat down brought out my lipton tea bag… ( ESSUUUHUUVEEE IS MINE) , tore the wrap , opened the pack NO ESSUUUHUUUVEE inside the pack, no RAFFLE TICKET not even a TRY YOUR LUCK NEXT TIME.

Nay, they cant come and go and fall my hand like this na, no way.
I gave them the benefit of doubt . I boiled water expecting a secret message in the tea like asking me to solve a riddle or something. ( from something out of professor snape’s classes)

NOTHING!!
NO ESSHUUUVEEE!!!!!!!!! I thought it was factory error. Finished that PACKET went and bought another packet. Same thing ni oh. NO ESSHUUUVEEE!

IS THIS LIFE?
IS IT FAIR TO ALL CONCERNED!!!!
PS:: I have gone back to my PG TIPS biko.
from the archives of a mischievous imagination of a crazy babe. still crazy after all these years.

(c) IYALODE 2014

THE LAW OF OVERLORDS CHAPTER 1 VERSE 1 -END

1. Brethen, I, Iyalode ,greeteth thee and I bringeth forth glad tidings of great joy.

2. I writeth thee this day oh ye people with the greatest of joy in my heart and hopeth within me that thou art well and not weary or languid or sore distressed.?

3. I heareth that the villa needeth more overlords to fighteth the battle before us.

4. As an overlord, thou shalt willingly and freely seteth P with any handmaiden thou so desireth in the villa.

5. I bringeth thee laws of how thou shalt becometh an overlord

6. Wherefore , I reacheth out to thee this day and giveth onto thee the Laws that thou shalt abideth by if thou so desireth to be an overlord.

7. And thou shalt arise from amongst the underlords and becometh an overlord, for thou shalt doeth exceedingly great things with thy overlord statutes.

8. Was Theophilopolos not an underlord? The god of twitter showeth forth his mercy upon him and upgradeth his overlord status and now he becometh an overlord and hath goneth into the world to preach the twitpel.

9. To becometh an overlord is not a moi-moi-th thing.

10. I prayeth thee that thou shalt understandeth that the battle to becometh an overlord is not a battle of the soft hearteth

11. For we wrestleth not against gari and gin, but against every force and evil in places that sayeth thou wilt not achieveth overlordness.

12. And for thou to becometh an overlord, thou shalt obeyeth the rules and hearketh to the rules I bestoweth on thee this day.

13. Thy subjects shall exceedeth 50 scores.

14. Thy subjects shall at any time cometh to thy rescue when thine enemies striketh thee with afflictive words.

15. Thou shalt knoweth when thou shalt set P and thou shalt not just set P but SET P.

16. Thou shalt haveth plenty retweets and throweth gifts of subs.

17. Thou must be an activist and rebel against thy governor and his entourage.

18. Thou must haveth swag and thou shalt be moutheth.

19. Thou must not be foundeth wanting and neither shalt thou be neareth “nkan-nbe-eth”

20. Thou shalt be under a robust anointing to knoweth when thou attaineth the grace of overlordness and also knoweth when thou goeth off tangent.

21. Wherefore, I beseech thee that thou pondereth and medidateth on these laws as they may be most expedient for thee.

22. May the peace of the Lord be upon thee, and may the goodness of being an overlord not departeth from thine clan.

23. Greet one another with a holy kiss.

From the archives of the mischievous imagination of a crazy babe. Still crazy after all these years. (c)2013. all shekpes reserved.