The story so far….. well not so far
Not like there ever was one ..
Ok this is the 2nd part of specimen Y how it all began ……
Some where on earth..
Before some inhabitants of the world lost touch with reality :
Enjoy
********************************************************************
Elder 1: “we saw a beautiful flower we would like to pluck from your compound”
Okonkwo: “hmmm, beautiful flower you say?”
Elder 1: “Oh yes, we can see that the flower is well nurtured and watered and properly bred, 2 market days from now we shall be a paying an official visit to make known our intentions”
2market days later
Okonkwo: “welcome our guests, I hope you had a nice journey “
Elder 1 “ ah , yes lets get down to business and explain our intentions , like my kinsman said we saw a flower in your compound we would like to pluck “
Okonkwo: “gentle men you are speaking in parables.
I do not have flowers in my compound except shrubs, a pawpaw and orange tree in my back garden. Erm, if you may can you be more direct and factual “
Elder 3: “it is said that he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour …. “
Okonkwo’s uncle: "very true, indeed, very true...”
Elder 2: “we would like to ask for the hand of your daughter in marriage”
Okonkwo: “hmm, my daughter you say. Please excuse me a moment while I converse with my family “
They adjourn to the bedroom to discuss
Okonkwo: “did you hear that?
They have come to ask for the hand of our daughter in marriage and tradition says the first daughter should be married off before her younger ones. “
chidera is busy singing and dancing
Chidera: God am good he has done me well, oh my soul rise up and praise the Lord
“Eh finally they have come and ask for the hand of adaku in marriage? Thank you Lord I was beginning to think she would grow grey hair in this house. Your name be praised oh Jehovah. Chineke dalu nne ri oh (thank you so much Lord) “
Okonkwo: “any way, now that they have officially asked and they know what our custom demands, let us entertain our guests. biko, tell olachi to pound that a fufu very well and that bush meat kenneth ( pronounced Kennetheh ) brought last night , abeg let her include it in the bitter leaf soup . “
Okonkwo’s uncle: “now we have heard you, and have also received your gifts as tradition demands.
Okonkwo’s uncle so you want to marry adaku our daughter. That is good news oh “
Elder 1: Erm no, actually it’s your other daughter “
Okonkwo: Chioma?
Elder 1: “No the other one “
Okonkwo: “Ahh, hmmm you mean oluchi?”
He laughs out loud the idiotic elder
Elder 1” Not that one either”.
Okonkwo: “ahn, ahn that would be nneka? “
they all shake their heads in unison,
Elder 3 “Not that one either “
Okonkwo and his family looks at one another
Okonkwo’s uncle: “are you sure you have the right address? For I fear you are in the wrong house”
Elder 2: looks at the middle aged man who hasn’t said a word since the inception of the conversation.
Elder 2: “jasper, is this not the house? “
Jasper: “yes, uncle it is this house.”
Chidera: “well, my last daughter Ugochi is only twelve and she is preparing for her JSSC Exams. Surely you can’t …… “
Interrupts elder one
Elder 1: “Exactly she is the flower we seek “.
Okonkwo’s uncle: “You mean you want us to nurture her for you and when the time is right you will come and marry her?”
“Erm no, we wish to marry her now “replied the third elder
Okonkwo: Now!!! She is still young and besides I am sure your son (he looks at jasper) is too young to be married?”
Elder 2: “Actually, Jasper here is the one who wants to marry Ugochi “!
Okonkwo: “Marry gini my Ugochi spills his schnapps on the floor “tufiakwa, may the gods forbid. She is the youngest of my daughters, “
Elder 1: Oh, no we would like that young girl; you see we like to catch them young especially now that she is untainted. He married wife no 1 was she was 16, wife no 2 at 15 wife no 3 at 13 at u see if Ugochi marries him, she will be wife no 4 and his youngest wife ever. ”
Okonkwo: “my own 12 year old daughter, you wan catch young ngwanu,
“I will FAROUK you before you YERIMA my daughter “
Elder 2: “You mean you are rejecting our proposal? “
Okonkwo:” I am not only rejecting your proposal, I will also experiment on you the cutlass I just bought from the market last week. See you people should vanish before I open my eyes and castrate one of you …. Infact I will report this abomination to the elders council “
elder 1 : "What about the gifts we brought?? "
To be continued
Sunday, 2 May 2010
Wednesday, 28 April 2010
ximena herald -- the oldman and the innocent child
As you guys are aware, there lives a certain “man” or no sorry I meant a certain “specimen Y “in the north that took upon himself a young child from the land of the mummies and pyramids to be his bride.
This man paid so many cowries to the families of this innocent child to destroy her life and ruin her future …
I wonder if this specimen has never heard of VVF?
She has been turned into a woman, talk about trying to rush nature.
I am not surprised neither am I shocked, for there is nothing new under the sun. But I am shocked however that this man from the north happens to be one of the law makers of the land. And chooses upon himself, an innocent child just out of the pod…
So we should not condemn…. And ye without sin cast the first stone. Ximena is with sin and will cast the first stone. I will not hesitate to stone to a state of coma( cos stoning to death will miss the emphasis of the punishment I have for you ) and put a bullet through your thick skull soon after if you come to ask for the hand of my daughter in marriage once she turns 13 ( counting my fingers).
How can a man old enough to be her grandfather marry her talk less of having carnal knowledge with her. She is just 13 and grandpa here is closer to kissing the grave than turning 70.
bros, look mirror you don old, u are not 16 mate!!!
So what in Pete’s name is this all about? What reasonable / sensible / logical man will marry a 13 year old in this age and day?
WONDERS WILL SURELY NEVER CEASE!!!!!
Or dude hasn’t heard that we have since moved on from some archaic ways and customs? Could it be accustomed to religion, tribe, creed, belief or just ignorance?
I kept asking myself why would parents give out their young daughters in marriage to men who are more likely to kiss their graves faster than the speed of light ?
Imagine being way and much older than your step mum, or having a step mother old enough to be your third child?
Some people need to be referred to ‘Dr Ayeni ‘ because some people will never learn
What level of desperation, economic meltdown and cajoling will tempt you to place a bid on your daughters for $100k ?
It would have been best if you just put up a bid on e-bay and close the bid when she turns 21, perhaps they might have gotten more than the $100k and possible a young prince charming from Aladdin’s own country
It is appalling and grotesque that cases like these are still happening in today’s world.
I say it if any man dares to ask for the hand of my daughter at 13 just make sure you have put your house in order because you are definitely leaving my house in a body bag and a bullet to your temple EXECUTION STYLE .
Remember, the judicial system in our land is slower than traffic on the third mainland bridge, besides I would be thanked HONOURABLY FOR DOING THE WORLD A FAVOUR AND MAKING THE NATION PROUD
Ximena has spoken and rests her case.
This man paid so many cowries to the families of this innocent child to destroy her life and ruin her future …
I wonder if this specimen has never heard of VVF?
She has been turned into a woman, talk about trying to rush nature.
I am not surprised neither am I shocked, for there is nothing new under the sun. But I am shocked however that this man from the north happens to be one of the law makers of the land. And chooses upon himself, an innocent child just out of the pod…
So we should not condemn…. And ye without sin cast the first stone. Ximena is with sin and will cast the first stone. I will not hesitate to stone to a state of coma( cos stoning to death will miss the emphasis of the punishment I have for you ) and put a bullet through your thick skull soon after if you come to ask for the hand of my daughter in marriage once she turns 13 ( counting my fingers).
How can a man old enough to be her grandfather marry her talk less of having carnal knowledge with her. She is just 13 and grandpa here is closer to kissing the grave than turning 70.
bros, look mirror you don old, u are not 16 mate!!!
So what in Pete’s name is this all about? What reasonable / sensible / logical man will marry a 13 year old in this age and day?
WONDERS WILL SURELY NEVER CEASE!!!!!
Or dude hasn’t heard that we have since moved on from some archaic ways and customs? Could it be accustomed to religion, tribe, creed, belief or just ignorance?
I kept asking myself why would parents give out their young daughters in marriage to men who are more likely to kiss their graves faster than the speed of light ?
Imagine being way and much older than your step mum, or having a step mother old enough to be your third child?
Some people need to be referred to ‘Dr Ayeni ‘ because some people will never learn
What level of desperation, economic meltdown and cajoling will tempt you to place a bid on your daughters for $100k ?
It would have been best if you just put up a bid on e-bay and close the bid when she turns 21, perhaps they might have gotten more than the $100k and possible a young prince charming from Aladdin’s own country
It is appalling and grotesque that cases like these are still happening in today’s world.
I say it if any man dares to ask for the hand of my daughter at 13 just make sure you have put your house in order because you are definitely leaving my house in a body bag and a bullet to your temple EXECUTION STYLE .
Remember, the judicial system in our land is slower than traffic on the third mainland bridge, besides I would be thanked HONOURABLY FOR DOING THE WORLD A FAVOUR AND MAKING THE NATION PROUD
Ximena has spoken and rests her case.
Tuesday, 20 April 2010
bros Jamb!!
Dear broda ~Jamb,
I for like to give you all the dilly dally dem teash me for inglish . but I no sabi where I go start from. The letter wey I dey write you sef, I no know if e be formal ,semi-formal or informal letter.
My own be say I wan talk my mind, or make we put am this way , I dey give you voice mail.
Una no dey pity person!!!
I don WRITE JAMB AGAIN. Na 1997 I write my first Jamb, den I still young so when una fail me, e no pain me. 1998 una seize my result, I look una I no talk .
1999 I write jamb again , una no dey consider say to fill Jamb form na exam?
I write am again third time . this time una carry three different results come.
Jamb office result different, the one una send to university different, the one una post come my house different.
Whether na una abi una machine don crase I no understand. Any way by the time una go sort una sef out , the semester don end for that university. Na im the v. p say make I go write another Jamb ….
Kai , me wey dey boast say I go enter university before we celebrate millennium una fall my hand….. AGAIN
Una no even know say to get d money na JAMB ?? and if person write Jamb 3 time and e no pass the fourth time suppose free nau….
Una no dey hear wey our broses them dey say “buy one japan , get two Taiwan free”?
I persevere , I fill another form, go orile buy Jamb past questions again, since all the ones I get , I don dash am out, sake of say I don enter university after 3 attempts.
I even reach oshodi buy key point join ….
This time around una say result WITHHELD. Cut off mark na 200 , all marks na integer how una take carry character enter mark. Which one be WITHHELD.??? Na mark
How una dey mark am sef? Na name and location una dey use? Make una no think say I write c , come cross am off una think say na E OH.
Now, 2010 I don write jamb again, if I no pass ehn
Una go refund all my money
From 1997 – 2010
Including all the t- fare from bariga to okoko
From shibiri to orile
And from etegbin to odon gunyan
Make una no think say I dey joke oh .me and farouk those days been dey play “ayo “oh
Or where una tink say money dey come from. U think say my papa get one room for inside our compound wey we put person wey dey vomit money. I don nearly forget sef all the math set and scientific calculate una seize abi una fapp.. abeg I need am sharpily ..
If to say I know sef,I for just dey gather the money small small, I for just start business. But because I dey carry 1st every time, I say make I try write am again.
After all na aaliyah of blessed memory talk am say , if at first u don’t succeed , dust your self up and try again.
I don try , I don tire.. if una fail me for this jamb. Make una just refund my money. Cos as I dey see am so .. na mama Charlie village get me oh .
Meanwhile, na only una no dey strike.????
And again, I wan bail abeg , no be una life I come. EHEN , before I forget help me tell that ya sister NECO say she go soon get voicemail…
Battery don nearly die, useless nepa don carry light…
I go hail u later !!!
Ximena
From the archives of the mischievous imagination of a crasee babay , still crazyafterall these years
I for like to give you all the dilly dally dem teash me for inglish . but I no sabi where I go start from. The letter wey I dey write you sef, I no know if e be formal ,semi-formal or informal letter.
My own be say I wan talk my mind, or make we put am this way , I dey give you voice mail.
Una no dey pity person!!!
I don WRITE JAMB AGAIN. Na 1997 I write my first Jamb, den I still young so when una fail me, e no pain me. 1998 una seize my result, I look una I no talk .
1999 I write jamb again , una no dey consider say to fill Jamb form na exam?
I write am again third time . this time una carry three different results come.
Jamb office result different, the one una send to university different, the one una post come my house different.
Whether na una abi una machine don crase I no understand. Any way by the time una go sort una sef out , the semester don end for that university. Na im the v. p say make I go write another Jamb ….
Kai , me wey dey boast say I go enter university before we celebrate millennium una fall my hand….. AGAIN
Una no even know say to get d money na JAMB ?? and if person write Jamb 3 time and e no pass the fourth time suppose free nau….
Una no dey hear wey our broses them dey say “buy one japan , get two Taiwan free”?
I persevere , I fill another form, go orile buy Jamb past questions again, since all the ones I get , I don dash am out, sake of say I don enter university after 3 attempts.
I even reach oshodi buy key point join ….
This time around una say result WITHHELD. Cut off mark na 200 , all marks na integer how una take carry character enter mark. Which one be WITHHELD.??? Na mark
How una dey mark am sef? Na name and location una dey use? Make una no think say I write c , come cross am off una think say na E OH.
Now, 2010 I don write jamb again, if I no pass ehn
Una go refund all my money
From 1997 – 2010
Including all the t- fare from bariga to okoko
From shibiri to orile
And from etegbin to odon gunyan
Make una no think say I dey joke oh .me and farouk those days been dey play “ayo “oh
Or where una tink say money dey come from. U think say my papa get one room for inside our compound wey we put person wey dey vomit money. I don nearly forget sef all the math set and scientific calculate una seize abi una fapp.. abeg I need am sharpily ..
If to say I know sef,I for just dey gather the money small small, I for just start business. But because I dey carry 1st every time, I say make I try write am again.
After all na aaliyah of blessed memory talk am say , if at first u don’t succeed , dust your self up and try again.
I don try , I don tire.. if una fail me for this jamb. Make una just refund my money. Cos as I dey see am so .. na mama Charlie village get me oh .
Meanwhile, na only una no dey strike.????
And again, I wan bail abeg , no be una life I come. EHEN , before I forget help me tell that ya sister NECO say she go soon get voicemail…
Battery don nearly die, useless nepa don carry light…
I go hail u later !!!
Ximena
From the archives of the mischievous imagination of a crasee babay , still crazyafterall these years
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