Sunday, 19 July 2009


Hmmm, I hear say to marry wife or do wedding for nija na serious business investment. And for that reason alone you need some bard a *** money. Just like when you want to buy a car always make sure you have money for two cars , so you can buy the car with one part of the money and also maintain the car with what .. wahahla
By the time one thinks of catering, decors both interior and exteriors.. transportation, bridal train and the splendour, brilliance and magnificence attached to a wedding, person go don die, wake up, die again ,wake up and then migrate to Mali, sudan or chad!!!

Remember o, they haven’t even thought of bride price o (why you would put a price tag on your dota is way way beyond me….. not that dude wont pay , he sure will)..

And that all in one list of palm oil. 42 tubers of yam , bag of salt etc… I used to think back in da days that the yam was actually meant to be prepared for the guests. I never knew mama A, aunty B , mama mama’s ZYX will share the yams..until recently…

And then they fight over bride price.. serious fight o.. matter of fact some family members will go and retrieve the receipts right from when bride’s mother conceived, to the amount of baby food bought, down to university and khaki days(youth service). That’s probably how much u have to pay

So now instead of the family deliberating o sorry fighting/haggling/waring over the bride price. Now I hear some brides can choose how much they want as bride price.. scwwwwweeeps!!!

Lucky Is the guy whose bride to be asks for #25,000,000 as in 25milla naira cool cash..
For this credit crunch period, dude had better engage the services of Experian or so and do a thorough credit check on that babe….and she if she QUALIFIES, good. Sit down with her family and arrange a payment plan; preferably in instalment ….and please pay by direct debit. If you can pay by credit card , you get a discount and also get points on your tesco and nectar club cards.

Make sure you have insurance on wife to be just incase she cant cook to your standard, not good at house keeping , suddenly has sagged skins and skin discolouration due to beauty enhancement (bleaching) pimples, acne or waka – waka and away match. You can always request for her to be replaced or return her back to her family and request a refund. After all, guarantee is a life time

And errrnn (clearing my throat the posh way) just to remind you that after you pay the initial deposit and get the delivery of your consignment, remember you have no excuse to default on your payment. In the event of missing a payment your wife’s families have the rights to repossess their daughters by using the repo-man

From the archives of the mischievous imagination of a crasee babay,

1 comment:

saymine said...

Lovely piece... a comical way of explaining reality.

More power to ya elbow!