letters to the valentinas as recorded in The Book of Love Chapter 14.

Jemimah and Ximena's letters to the valentinas as recorded in The Book of Love Chapter 14. (1) And thou shalt harken to the words of sense on this day.

(2)And it shall come to pass that on Valentine's day, excuses shall arise; Flat battery, I misplaced my phone, My BIS expired, Display picture on BB is refusing to change, My boss chose me for the trip, Traffic jams..etc. When thou seest these signs, be calm, keep thine heart in perfect peace and know that surely thou art not thine Boo's Boo.

(3)Do not let this revelation trouble thine heart, has the Lord not spoken? The heart of man is desperately wicked, who can know it?"

(4)Rejoice, again I say rejoice, Ye hath not reached thy bus stop!!

(5) And behold a day shall cometh when thy boo-boo shall traverse at thy bus stop and thou shalt rejoice in thy heart with exceeding great joy.

(6) And that blessed day cometh when thou shalt leave thy father, mother and be united with the boo-boo thou meetest at the bus-stop and thou shalt dance and sing and be happy.

.(7) And so i pray thee, oh child that thou shalt invite ximena to partake in the celebration of ofada rice,odeku, ponmo and iyan as the Lord provideth for thee.

(8) In all thy gettings on this day, get understanding! (9)The Grace of God be with you.

From the archives of the mischievous imagination of a crazy baybay stillcrazy (C) Ximena 2013

AEROPLANE- AEROPLANER- AEROPLANEST

I understand that companies come up with means of rewarding consumers. Sometimes, it could be monetary or otherwise. If you are lucky you can win a million naira or in some cases a tear rubber ochala ride. In times past, people have also won realistic consolation prices of all sorts ( you cant win the car but you won the keyring. Yaaah) . I remember winning prices from cocacola and gold spot/limca. Well, that was some ol’ centuries ago sha. And recently, I was lucky to get some freebies from coke also- anyway that was that millionaire stuff they did earlier in the year. Do I like awoof? No, I decided to try it out and see if they were genuine after all these years. Thank God they still are. Now, all these telecoms companies have come with their own hocus- pocus rubbish. I can still understand etisalad abi is it etisalat’s win a phone ish; like yea, they can afford to give out some phones to their esteemed customers abi? Whether it is a dual sim phone, blackberry or blackboru , capsule or tablet or even a mobile gadget that looks like a baby monitor. They can afford to do that. Even if after all the noise they have made they give 10 blackberries, 20 dual sim phones and 1 capsule out to their customers. It’s not a biggie, guess with all the recharges here and here it was bound to yield some dividend at the end of the day. But MTN came up with their own 100 people , 100 hyundai promo- till date no one has or had won any car.( I am YET TO SEE, ) They had another promo of being a millionaire by subscribing to a number and answering questions. And each question was 10 naira per sms. Now for every 10 naira/ sms / subscriber, calculate the no of subscribers who would subscribe to this service. For example , 100million MTN subscribers spend 100 naira every day playing this ‘tete’. And they play it straight for 30days hoping ‘their luck will shine’. Calculate the money the subscribers have lost and how much MTN has gained. Oya do the math sharply. And yet, till tomorrow I am yet to see anyone win any 4 wheeler oh. That isn’t even the issue. And as if that was not enough MTN now decided to insult its subscribers with MTN WIN AN AEROPLANE!!!!! What sort of aeroplane? A battery operated remote controlled plane? Or an actual plane with controls and a cockpit and the hello control tower this is pilot xyz of flight vs222 approaching odongunyan airport abi ? Like seriously, you guys are gonna give out that plane? You didn’t even think of win a house promo? Win a land promo? Or even MTN PIMP MY HOUSE PROMO?!!!! Aeroplane loun loun. Even if someone wins it, where will they ‘park’ it. Inside their garage or their bedroom? Do you give out such freebies in south Africa abi na only 9ja awoof go run belle? do you really think Nigerians will fall for this gimmick? There are better ways to reward your subscribers, insulting them is not part of the deal because I am sure that until the Lord tarries, no one will win any aeroplane oh. Aeroplane ko,aeromplan ni! Psheeeeeeew Call me doubting Thomasine, Scream ohh ye ximena of little faith, believeth thou in Mtn and thou shalt fly like the Apollo 11. Please prove me wrong. let there be winners or even a winner. Let people speak of the goodness of MTN and the church will chorus a resounding hallelujah and I want to be there live when the winner(s) is/are giving their special testimony above sea level,. I want to be a witness AND NOT AS SEEN ON TV ’. And I hope if someone does win the aeroplane, they won’t wake up in shock to realise it was all a bad dream oh? As in serious GBELO- GBEBO! Just start singing aeromplane odabo! Aeromplane bye- bye From the archives of the mischievous imagination of a crazybabe. Still crazy after all these years (C)2012 XIMENA

MY FRIEND JAMI(E)S I should have posted this a long time ago, well, better stale than sour ( hehehehe I just coined this)

They say dog wey no hear hunter voice wan lost. And so it is with my friend called Jami(e)s alabashe. Over skill and ojukokoro will be the end of this friend of mine. I told him to stop stealing oh, y’all know that God is against stealing and yorubas say who ever lies will steal. Small small sha mosquito bite will turn to malaria. When I was shouting this man is thiefing and stealing and robbing , nobody answered me and now that push has turned to shove they are disturbing me. Shebi his babalawo gave him fortification, go ye into the nation and steal from them. Local insurance premium covers you.


And I warned him oh, I said James, James , James farabale and steal this money oh. There were others before you and they never got caught oh. How is it that you alone want to have houses in each country in the world or have a fleet of cars. Friend mi James, this is ojukokoro oh. But no oh our friend thought he was wiser than king Solomon now . you sha want to have everything sha. Remember oh that some people are cursing you now that you are still alive and even in death when you are not an oloriburuku someborry .


When you die sef, heaven is not sure for you and even the devil (d dude with the horns on his fore head, a tail between his legs who wears the red tuxedo) will NEVER allow you any where near his hell. So you can come and steal his spoon abi? So you can imagine how unbearable it will be that you are neither here nor there. Now that oyinbo them haff dash you 13 years. Well, before you know it time will be up and ur lease will expire. So after all is jailed and serve, just remix p-square’s “ chop my money “ .



From the archives of the mischievous imagination of a crazy babe Still crazy after all these years