once upon a wedding, twice upon the aso-ebi

Bear with me, my english is one kain. What expect you. I dropout from creche :(

Weddings. It is always a thing of joy when you hear people are getting married. You look forward to the cakes, decor at venues, bride's makeup and oh well, her train. And the ghen ghen ghen.

Gone are those days when brides had bridal train the distance from lagos to porto novo. For eggzampu!
Confetti ladies,
Ladies in waiting
Ladies in standing
Pink ladies
Ladies in purple
Aunties of the day
aunties by the coolers
uncles by the drink stand
Mothers of the day
Bleaching sisters of the day
Flower girls
Little bride etc..
Spinsters in purple
Gboko-gboko in yellow
Awon mogbo-moya in peaches
Now some don't even bother with trains.
Now it is the bRT way...



And the brides of those days with silver eye pencil, black brows and red oyeel lipstick. and otanjele.
And here comes the bride, or mother gaagoo’s protégé .
And the food.. If your guests don't eat at least twice, the ceremony wasn't it rara..
And let's go to the main aso-ebi.
Please, who started this trend?
Aso-ebi?
From lace to ankara to aso-oke And all these aso-ebi's have categories oh!

And sometimes sef, buying the aso-ebi is a ticket to eating on that day Or not?
Shebi that's how I bought aso-ebi, got to reception on time, sat down where I thought they will serve us food. For wia, we ended up going home to eat noodles and washing it down with coke. Who would have thought that aso-ebi would betray me on that day?


And those with aso-ebi from seventee faf (75) tarzen naira and above , i hail oh. what gift are u attaching to that aso-ebi ? Better be ready to include generator as souvenir
that kind of aso-ebi must sha have superman's cape so i can fly anywhere... or white horse that can fly.
And if aso-ebi is btwn toofeety tarzeen to fafhondre tarzeen ( 250-500k) Your souvenir better be :
1: chariot of Elijah
2: staff of Moses
3: David's catapult or the stone used in killing Goliath
4: oh Gold from the streets of heaven


Or don't even bother at all..

But when it is time to buy my own aso-ebi, I don't want to hear that ATM has fever. By all means, break the machine and the bank. You must break the bank because of me..

For I am @madamedemadame from the archives of a mischievous imagination of a cray baybay.. (c) ximena 2014

I AM A CHIBOK GIRL AND THIS IS MY 100TH DAY IN CAPTIVITY

I am lost
I don't know where I am.
I was abducted in the middle of the night
Why ,I would never know


Wait do you know what it feels like to be forcefully taken away?
STOP

Think about it
I am going bonkers
My faith dwindles
The sun rises no more
Will I ever see it rise again? will i ever sit at chibok and watch as the sun sets every evening over the village?


I have been away
Away from the warmth and love of a mother
Away from the nods and stares of a father
Away from the mischievous grins and annoying tantrums of siblings.
Away from life
Away from Laughters
Away from hope


I am here,
A tool in the hands of the abductors
A tenant in a forest
Why was I taken?
Why?
Or am I paying for the sins of my ancestors?
AM i a victim of “circumstance” or some sort of collateral damage ?
Is this my new home?
Shall I adapt to this sort of life?
Will I ever be rescued?
Will I see the sunlight again?


I am cold
I am sick
I am weak
I miss my home
I want to go back home


I come from a poor home.
Who would listen to me?
Does my voice echo in your hearts?
Can you hear my screams from the forest?
SAVE ME!!!


I am in psychological bondage
,Held in Emotional captivity
Against my will
My hope threshold diminishes daily
I don't want to stay in the enclave of psychopaths.


Will I ever be rescued?
Who would rescue me?
Will I perish in this forest?
Has Heaven turned its back at me?
Should I give up and accept my fate?

I am a chibok girl and I have spent 100days in captivity


i am @madamedemadame

© still crazy 2014

A MOTHER'S ANGUISH ( CHIBOK)

Once upon a peaceful town
Now,peace has eluded us.
Our daughters have been kidnapped


It is no longer morning
Our morning is dark
The dark clouds haven't moved away
There's no sunlight and the darkness wont go away


The grasses whithers
The blooming roses fades
Our daughters have been away..
Sarah's bed has been unslept in how many days?
Laraba's dress still dangles in the hanger.
Will she ever wear that dress.

GOD!!
Tabitha's birthday is in a few days
Her mother is a shadow of her former self.
Are we ever going to see our daughters?

Where are our daughters?
Where are the pride of our nation?
A mother's joy and a Father's pride they are.
Our beautiful girls
Our smile when we cry

Our hope when we despair
Our Lives
Our lights
Our happiness
ABDUCTED
innocent girls
Taken away from us

We are counting the days
Our daughters have been gone
Too long
So long
Our hope wanes
Our hearts are broken
We try to pray


We try to hope
Tears flow
we try to be strong
The warmth of our hearts have grown cold.
Our hearts are heavy,
Please,

Our burdens are heavy
Who will wipe our tears
Who ?
Life just seems unfair.

Our daughters
Our precious jewels.
Are we going to see them again?
Have they been raped?
Are they pregnant?
Ha!
The pains of a mother...
A MOTHER'S ANGUISH
Stop these silent tears
we have forgotten how to smile
HELP US SMILE AGAIN
We miss our daughters.
Terribly.

These tears...
Stop the tears.
Abba, Father
Please #bringbackourgirls.
i am @madamedemadame
(c) still crazy
(c) 2014

LOST IN CAPTIVITY ( I AM A CHIBOK GIRL)

Every morning the Sun rises,
At eventide it sets,

I am here in captivity,
Held, taken captive against my will.
I am in danger,
I am afraid ,
I have been away from home for so long.
AH LIFE!!

sigh
I miss my ma,(is she still alive? ),
or has her fine beautiful black hair gone grey overnight? ,
Has she suffered a heart attack? ,
again, i ask
is she still alive?.
Baba I hope he is in good health?
I hope he hasn't suffered a stroke..
My siblings,
My friends,
I hope the insurgents haven't killed everybody

Nigeria- are they praying for our safe return
Have they forgotten about us?.
Every night I pray.
Would I get out of this Alive?
Am i still alive?
I look at the other girls, lost, forgotten, desolate....
I don't even know what I look like anymore,
I have cried and tears flow no more
I have lost count of the days I've been here...
(days, months )
I have been battered
I have been bruised
I have been ridiculed
I have been shamed

What is my crime?
What is my sin?
Why am I still held against my will?
What happened?
Where did I go wrong?
Who did I wrong?


Every day I hope, and I pray
That one day I will be free
Free from the shackles and bondages of terrorism
From the stigma of this nightmare.
Free to have a right to education
One day I will be free
I would not be broken
I would keep the faith
One day, like a bird that's been in captivity for too long
I will fly away
I will be free


Whether the world remembers us or not,
I will hold the fort.
I will keep the faith
I will be strong
For myself, my spirit
For the other girls.
No, I will not break down


Tell my mother to be strong,
Tell my father to be a man,
They may have taken us physically,
They may torture us emotionally,
but we wont break.....
They won't break us spiritually and mentally.
For I know one day........
I WILL BE FREE!

I am @madamedemadame

(c)still crazy after all these years. July 17 2014

THAT LANGUAGE CALLED ENGLISH

so i wrote this note ON facebook a loooooooong time ago. 14 December 2009 at 13:53 to be precise. That was when i was still very sane. well, i am saner now sha * inserts halo *

enjoy
They say the plural of a box is boxes? But the plural of ox is oxen not oxes>?

One is a goose, two are called geese But the plural of moose cant be meese? The plural of a mouse is a mice So why cant the plural of house of hice?

If the plural of a man is always called men Why cant the plural of pan be pen? Btw, pen has a definition.
One foot, two feet So shouldn’t boot be beet? or moot, meet? Or him cant be shim …

And tooth is to teeth so why cant booth be to beeth?



We say a brother and a brethren Why not a mother and methren or father and fethren ? glory , hallleluyah

Teachers taught and preachers praught? A vegetarian chops vegetable, a chickerian eats chicken and a humanitarian eats what ?

Writers write, drivers drive, but grocers cant groce?

They say HISTORY like HIS STORY abi so why cant the female version be HERSTORY

don't mention these free lessons.You are grateful... I am welcome .
Now, those of you that were pricing school fees, go back and collect your refund.. ME. i kukuma didnt finish creche till they expelled me

from d archives of the imagination of a crazee baybay..

still crazy after all these years

(c) still crazy
I am @madamedemadame

Giants of History ( book review)

The book giants of history is written by Lateef Ibirigba a commissioner for strategy and information in the Lagos state government administration. It is a 322 paged book on the historians of our world, a hundred and fifty of them actually. And going through the list there are Some we know, some we thought we knew and forgot and some we just never heard about.

Me, I know that there are some historians I never ever heard of, and may never know if I didn't read the book?

You may wonder the significance of this book? It teaches history! For those of us who didn't study history in secondary school, this is just about ideal. For instance, Deborah Samson- who knows her? No she's not the Deborah in the Bible neither is she related to the biblical samson. She was the first woman soldier who lived between the years 1765-1827 oh and did I mention that she impersonated a man. I am sure you didn't know, I didn't know either until I got the book.

Who can guess the 1st prime minister of England? I would say this book should be introduced into the Junior secondary school curriculum 1-3!

The book should be divided into 3 segments, 1st segment should deal with junior secondary 1, 2nd segment- junior secondary2 and Junior Secondary 3 respectively. By the time students are done reading the book, they would have learnt so much about their history and at the same time gained knowledge some people have been deprived off.

This is a book I strongly recommend for every home and every school. And there should be some sort of inter school history competition among schools. At least for fun and at the same time education Oh, by the way, there is a pack of cards called the giants of history. You can play with your friends and family. Its like having fun and at the same time learning!!

Hopefully, when we are done reading the book you will be inspired to make changes in your immediate environment and the world at large.

And before i bounce, let me remind you guys that knowledge is power. and there is power in reading books especially books like these. go grab a copy

Did I mention that there is a game card called the game of giants. You should try and get hold on the pack of cards and play with your friends. Its not exactly the hold on, suspension, pick five, general market last card check up kinda card games, some one pick 5!!

i am @madamedemadame

stillcrazyafteralltheseyears (C) 2014

LOST!!!

BRING BACK OUR GIRLS.


Every morning they awake
And long for the rising of the sun.
Their world is turned upside down.
Their thoughts, oh so Topsy-turvy..
Their hope(s)
Their pride(s)
Their sources of happiness and a future .
Are no where to be found...
Their lives are just in a state of complete disarray!

The Mothers are lost..
The Fathers are helpless.
The siblings are confused..

The mother(s) cries day in day out...
The father(s) lost in thought..
Helpless they both are, The sun is not shining.
Their daughter(s) are missing!
They are lost,
No, they have been abducted.

Everymorning they wake up with hope twas but a bad dream,
Alas, tis not a dream

Reality sets in
Their daughters are not home
Wipe their tears,
Give them hope ,

#bringbackourgirls.


Let them see the sun rise again...

Let them see their daughters again..
Alive...
Hale Hearty and well
#bringbackourgirls
Make them smile,
Make them laugh again ,
Reunite them with their families.
#bringbackourgirls

They are their future..
They are our future...
They are your future…
#bringbackourgirls
The mothers will long to hug their daughters again!
The fathers will long to hold their princesses again!
Their siblings will still want to tickle their sisters again.
Their friends will still want to pinch them again.
#bringbackourgirls.


Ximena (c) 2014
I am @madamedemadame
From the archives of the mischievous imagination of a crazy babe...

SAUSAGE OR SANDSAGE ROLL....

“Give a child a good sausage roll and watch him take over the world. “ PLATO 123BC

Dear makers of "sausage" "beef" roll in a sachet,
I shall make this letter as brief and “Guinness stout” as possible. Life is too short to write epistle and gospel over this matter. Moreover, when the sermon is too long the angels will fly away.

First of all , how market? shey business dey boom?
All praise to the Most high. Anyway, down to business, The caption on your wrap says " sausage” roll

The problem is when I open a wrap of "sausage" roll I expect to find original correct sausage but when I dissect the "crust" I don't see anything sausagey in it. Nor meaty, nor chewy.
Ok, wait let me guess , you will come up with the theory that the sausage will pass through some chemical process in order to prevent it from going bad abi?
But must it go through a process that will make the sausage roll taste like galvanized rubber that has gone through a horrid process of fractional distillation. ( when it is not crude oyeel)
. When will you rebase your product or are you waiting for your product to come and do GDP on you and rebase itself?
And if one makes the mistake of buying a stale one ehn...the Lord is your strength.... you will think you are chewing cardboard that they use sand paper to file.
sausage roll sha.
Thank you i rest my case jare.

From the archives of a mischievous imagination of a crazy babe Still crazy after all these years.. © 2014

I am @madamedemadame

OPEN LETTER TO BISCO

Dear power people or what ever you are called now , It is with great pleasure from the back that I write this letter.

Should I be asking how you are? That would be a waste of resources. I heard gist sha, I hear you guys were formerly known as "electricity corporation of nigeria (ECN) and that time your head was kwarect.

That if you "want to take light" ( me, I won't write cut off power supply, this letter is not english composition) As I was saying, they say you people used to announce that you want to take light.

But nay, times have changed. You will just carry light like camel that has no home training.

*inserts hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssss*

But we will light candle and start singing “ I am the future of the world , I am the hope of my nation…”

So what happened now? What changed? Ok, you people changed name to NEPA- National Electric Power Authority. (otherwise known as Never Expect Power Always.)

When authority enters something wahala must dey. You people will be flexing muscles on top of light, abeg enter iyana-oworo and flex muscles there joor.

you people did authority so tey una authority una sef to NEP PLC (No Electric Power, Please light candle)

and then you changed name again ashawo people.. to PHCN.

Power Holding Company of Nigeria ( yorubas have a saying like oruko lon so eniyan...)

And ever since you started calling your self Holding , you've been holding the light as if you will receive specially moulded slap from Lord Voldermont.

*interlude* Let there be light .... *ends interlude*

Has your life improved with this name changing and changes. ?

Shebi you know the original meaning of PHCN is PROBLEM HAS CHANGED NAME. You just changed name, no difference and And now you are BISCO- DISCO-GENCO-SISCO-REENCO-EJETERAMCO

Be giving us light 10seconds per day! Kilode, what is our offence? Did your babalawo say it is us that is doing you people ni?

This one you people are behaving like this on earth? Shey you won't carry this madness to heaven oh? will you see the road to heaven with your attitude?

Can you people see your lives outside? Sheri aiye yin lode! Upgrade your service nau, its only in this country people charge half full batteries. Spend more money on fuel than your actual "estimated, ridiculous monthly bills. Pity your conditions na. And the days you decide to give us light, we know that bill is coming the next day. Bill that even devil will shout. You kukuma cannot give us light 24/7 sef. Light that we rarely see to use and iron our cloth and watch feelim. Wait fest, Where do you people even see light to print the bills sef?

I forgot to mention something sef, you see when you suddenly cut light lojiji I just start singing “Ese ni bi eti bere Ese ibi teba de Adupe oh nepa Eti mu na lo”

I am yours sincerely @madamedemadame

From the archives of a mischievous imagination of a crazy babey still crazy after all these years. ©IYALODE 2014

TEA WAHALA

THE LIPTON FIASCO I am a tea drinker or a tea drunk. , I love tea and my tea loves me . God bless my tea and God bless me.
I drink all sorts of tea and I love it from camomile tea to green tea, to mistletoe tea to moringa tea. I love my tea. Heaven and earth may fade away, but God forbid my tea fades away.

If you do agbo in a teabag I will drink it. I have different collections of teas in my house. One fateful day I ran out of tea and eventually settled for the N20.00 lipton sachets ones, but I then decided to just go and buy a packet of tea bag and off I went to the store to go buy lipton + other groceries.

There were teas and there are teas but I had a mission to accomplish, I had to conquer the unconquerable. I saw lipton tea calling on me, pick me, pick me and I picked it and what did I see on the pack “open to win an suv “. I can actually drink tea and win and ESSUUUHUUVEEE!!! I CAN kill two birds with one stone. Somebody shout halleluyah!!!

I used my hand picked up the tea, put it in the shopping basket alongside other groceries, walked up to the till, removed money from my back pocket, smiled at the cashier while thinking of the beautiful ESSUUHUUUVEE , paid the cashier, collected my balance, carried my groceries, bye-byed the cashier, opened the door my self , called okada, climbed okada, alighted at my destination, power walked to my house, opened my gate, entered my house, sat down brought out my lipton tea bag… ( ESSUUUHUUVEEE IS MINE) , tore the wrap , opened the pack NO ESSUUUHUUUVEE inside the pack, no RAFFLE TICKET not even a TRY YOUR LUCK NEXT TIME.

Nay, they cant come and go and fall my hand like this na, no way.
I gave them the benefit of doubt . I boiled water expecting a secret message in the tea like asking me to solve a riddle or something. ( from something out of professor snape’s classes)

NOTHING!!
NO ESSHUUUVEEE!!!!!!!!! I thought it was factory error. Finished that PACKET went and bought another packet. Same thing ni oh. NO ESSHUUUVEEE!

IS THIS LIFE?
IS IT FAIR TO ALL CONCERNED!!!!
PS:: I have gone back to my PG TIPS biko.
from the archives of a mischievous imagination of a crazy babe. still crazy after all these years.

(c) IYALODE 2014