Rodents inna da yar'

When I first read (read saw) on Facebook that Daddy Oyoyo will be working from home because Rodents and rats....
I was like  Eku te ke?

Then I was like

And I now read it 
Then I was like

Wait!

How did Rats and Rodents congregate in Daddy Oyoyo's office and you people didn't know?
That means you people didn't clean the office for nearly a 100days?

See it is possible for Rats to congregate and set shop in your house. Very simples!!

Shebi these ones are eating furniture and air conditioning fittings?

The ones that chop tomatoes, garden eggs chop chemiron blood capsule nko? 

That one pain me. 

I had to go and look for rat poison, rat gum board and prayer points to join. These ones are devourers...

And I had plans for the garden eggs and tomatoes

You know they say " ai sin'le oloko lon mu eku Sako".( The absence of the farmer/hunter will make the rats do shakara)

Some people substitute ologbo (Cat) for oloko (hunter/farmer)

But these days, cats and rats are bonded by one kind of love that only those who cross carpet understand.

Me, I am in my house frying dodo.

Until when I remember I have a blog.

Happy to bye bye you people for now. 

Still crazy after all these years

(C) Iyalode ijeshashire

Keto keto keto egg.

So this is egg+avocado pear fried together in coconut oil with grated mozzarella cheese. Garnished with bacon and sausages.  The point is the get my body into a state of ketosis.

But you see as I type this I am contemplating making Moimoi with my @wuranoire beans flour.  It is when I decide to go on a diet that temptation rears its head in my plan.

OK,  this is the main thing. This meal is actually filling. But I need to help me help myself get into a state of ketosis.
Let me go and pray this temptation away.

I think I need to sip on some green tea.

Chacha people.

Iyalode Ijeshashire. 

No topic

So I have not blogged in a very long time
Ema binu(don't vex).  I think it's the change in the air that caused it.

I just wanted to update blog today.
Let me go and look for topic to write on.

Iyalode Ijeshashire

Hello all,
I am sorry. i am not ashamed to admit that i am a lazy blogger. kindly nominate me for laziest blogger of the century. who blogs like me? ok, well not lazy, ah, who am i kidding???
Well,it is not like i never intended to update my blog, but you see ehn brethren and sistren, i was updating it in my head. i will think of a topic in my head, write about it in my head and update it in my head. maybe i was waiting for my village people to manifest and help update the blog electronically abi virtually as the case maybe.
I am on my knees and i promise to change.
infact,let me be in the mood of worship as i go on my knees someone pray for me as i sing

"I have decided to be a changed blogger
I have decided to be a changed blogger
I have decided to be a changed blogger
no turning back,
no turning back "

i am @madamedemadame and i still dey kneel down. someone pray for me.

From the archives of the mischievous imagination of a cray(fish) babe.

I DON PORT TO 2015. GLORY!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy new year.
If you are reading this that means you've ported to the year 2015
Congrats!!!
Or your network has jammed and you are still somewhere in a place with a time difference of minus one year.
Like, you are so olden.


Anyways,
Any resolutions?
For me?
Resogini?
Well, I think I have some.


I won't be sarcastic like that again,
I will do plenty unlooking, shake my head less
Be a good girl *inserts wiiiiiiiiiiiiide grin*
I will try and update my blog regularly.
So help me God.


That is my resolution for today.
Today not this year,
So, I have updated my blog *shines teeth*
And wait, let me share this testimony.


Nepa gave us light for cross-over oh.
We didnot enter the new year in darkness.
We entered the year with light..


Because
2015 is a year of SUPERNATURAL BEGINNING.
Praiiiiiiiiiiise Jesus!!!!!!
That is all.
This is my own "plesedential speesh".


On this note, let me wish you and yours a happy new year in advance.
Before we know what is happening now.
Another December shall be upon us.
May God guide and guard us.



i @madamedemadame

from the archives of a mischievous imagination of a fine babe.

once upon a wedding, twice upon the aso-ebi

Bear with me, my english is one kain. What expect you. I dropout from creche :(

Weddings. It is always a thing of joy when you hear people are getting married. You look forward to the cakes, decor at venues, bride's makeup and oh well, her train. And the ghen ghen ghen.

Gone are those days when brides had bridal train the distance from lagos to porto novo. For eggzampu!
Confetti ladies,
Ladies in waiting
Ladies in standing
Pink ladies
Ladies in purple
Aunties of the day
aunties by the coolers
uncles by the drink stand
Mothers of the day
Bleaching sisters of the day
Flower girls
Little bride etc..
Spinsters in purple
Gboko-gboko in yellow
Awon mogbo-moya in peaches
Now some don't even bother with trains.
Now it is the bRT way...



And the brides of those days with silver eye pencil, black brows and red oyeel lipstick. and otanjele.
And here comes the bride, or mother gaagoo’s protégé .
And the food.. If your guests don't eat at least twice, the ceremony wasn't it rara..
And let's go to the main aso-ebi.
Please, who started this trend?
Aso-ebi?
From lace to ankara to aso-oke And all these aso-ebi's have categories oh!

And sometimes sef, buying the aso-ebi is a ticket to eating on that day Or not?
Shebi that's how I bought aso-ebi, got to reception on time, sat down where I thought they will serve us food. For wia, we ended up going home to eat noodles and washing it down with coke. Who would have thought that aso-ebi would betray me on that day?


And those with aso-ebi from seventee faf (75) tarzen naira and above , i hail oh. what gift are u attaching to that aso-ebi ? Better be ready to include generator as souvenir
that kind of aso-ebi must sha have superman's cape so i can fly anywhere... or white horse that can fly.
And if aso-ebi is btwn toofeety tarzeen to fafhondre tarzeen ( 250-500k) Your souvenir better be :
1: chariot of Elijah
2: staff of Moses
3: David's catapult or the stone used in killing Goliath
4: oh Gold from the streets of heaven


Or don't even bother at all..

But when it is time to buy my own aso-ebi, I don't want to hear that ATM has fever. By all means, break the machine and the bank. You must break the bank because of me..

For I am @madamedemadame from the archives of a mischievous imagination of a cray baybay.. (c) ximena 2014

I AM A CHIBOK GIRL AND THIS IS MY 100TH DAY IN CAPTIVITY

I am lost
I don't know where I am.
I was abducted in the middle of the night
Why ,I would never know


Wait do you know what it feels like to be forcefully taken away?
STOP

Think about it
I am going bonkers
My faith dwindles
The sun rises no more
Will I ever see it rise again? will i ever sit at chibok and watch as the sun sets every evening over the village?


I have been away
Away from the warmth and love of a mother
Away from the nods and stares of a father
Away from the mischievous grins and annoying tantrums of siblings.
Away from life
Away from Laughters
Away from hope


I am here,
A tool in the hands of the abductors
A tenant in a forest
Why was I taken?
Why?
Or am I paying for the sins of my ancestors?
AM i a victim of “circumstance” or some sort of collateral damage ?
Is this my new home?
Shall I adapt to this sort of life?
Will I ever be rescued?
Will I see the sunlight again?


I am cold
I am sick
I am weak
I miss my home
I want to go back home


I come from a poor home.
Who would listen to me?
Does my voice echo in your hearts?
Can you hear my screams from the forest?
SAVE ME!!!


I am in psychological bondage
,Held in Emotional captivity
Against my will
My hope threshold diminishes daily
I don't want to stay in the enclave of psychopaths.


Will I ever be rescued?
Who would rescue me?
Will I perish in this forest?
Has Heaven turned its back at me?
Should I give up and accept my fate?

I am a chibok girl and I have spent 100days in captivity


i am @madamedemadame

© still crazy 2014

A MOTHER'S ANGUISH ( CHIBOK)

Once upon a peaceful town
Now,peace has eluded us.
Our daughters have been kidnapped


It is no longer morning
Our morning is dark
The dark clouds haven't moved away
There's no sunlight and the darkness wont go away


The grasses whithers
The blooming roses fades
Our daughters have been away..
Sarah's bed has been unslept in how many days?
Laraba's dress still dangles in the hanger.
Will she ever wear that dress.

GOD!!
Tabitha's birthday is in a few days
Her mother is a shadow of her former self.
Are we ever going to see our daughters?

Where are our daughters?
Where are the pride of our nation?
A mother's joy and a Father's pride they are.
Our beautiful girls
Our smile when we cry

Our hope when we despair
Our Lives
Our lights
Our happiness
ABDUCTED
innocent girls
Taken away from us

We are counting the days
Our daughters have been gone
Too long
So long
Our hope wanes
Our hearts are broken
We try to pray


We try to hope
Tears flow
we try to be strong
The warmth of our hearts have grown cold.
Our hearts are heavy,
Please,

Our burdens are heavy
Who will wipe our tears
Who ?
Life just seems unfair.

Our daughters
Our precious jewels.
Are we going to see them again?
Have they been raped?
Are they pregnant?
Ha!
The pains of a mother...
A MOTHER'S ANGUISH
Stop these silent tears
we have forgotten how to smile
HELP US SMILE AGAIN
We miss our daughters.
Terribly.

These tears...
Stop the tears.
Abba, Father
Please #bringbackourgirls.
i am @madamedemadame
(c) still crazy
(c) 2014

LOST IN CAPTIVITY ( I AM A CHIBOK GIRL)

Every morning the Sun rises,
At eventide it sets,

I am here in captivity,
Held, taken captive against my will.
I am in danger,
I am afraid ,
I have been away from home for so long.
AH LIFE!!

sigh
I miss my ma,(is she still alive? ),
or has her fine beautiful black hair gone grey overnight? ,
Has she suffered a heart attack? ,
again, i ask
is she still alive?.
Baba I hope he is in good health?
I hope he hasn't suffered a stroke..
My siblings,
My friends,
I hope the insurgents haven't killed everybody

Nigeria- are they praying for our safe return
Have they forgotten about us?.
Every night I pray.
Would I get out of this Alive?
Am i still alive?
I look at the other girls, lost, forgotten, desolate....
I don't even know what I look like anymore,
I have cried and tears flow no more
I have lost count of the days I've been here...
(days, months )
I have been battered
I have been bruised
I have been ridiculed
I have been shamed

What is my crime?
What is my sin?
Why am I still held against my will?
What happened?
Where did I go wrong?
Who did I wrong?


Every day I hope, and I pray
That one day I will be free
Free from the shackles and bondages of terrorism
From the stigma of this nightmare.
Free to have a right to education
One day I will be free
I would not be broken
I would keep the faith
One day, like a bird that's been in captivity for too long
I will fly away
I will be free


Whether the world remembers us or not,
I will hold the fort.
I will keep the faith
I will be strong
For myself, my spirit
For the other girls.
No, I will not break down


Tell my mother to be strong,
Tell my father to be a man,
They may have taken us physically,
They may torture us emotionally,
but we wont break.....
They won't break us spiritually and mentally.
For I know one day........
I WILL BE FREE!

I am @madamedemadame

(c)still crazy after all these years. July 17 2014

THAT LANGUAGE CALLED ENGLISH

so i wrote this note ON facebook a loooooooong time ago. 14 December 2009 at 13:53 to be precise. That was when i was still very sane. well, i am saner now sha * inserts halo *

enjoy
They say the plural of a box is boxes? But the plural of ox is oxen not oxes>?

One is a goose, two are called geese But the plural of moose cant be meese? The plural of a mouse is a mice So why cant the plural of house of hice?

If the plural of a man is always called men Why cant the plural of pan be pen? Btw, pen has a definition.
One foot, two feet So shouldn’t boot be beet? or moot, meet? Or him cant be shim …

And tooth is to teeth so why cant booth be to beeth?



We say a brother and a brethren Why not a mother and methren or father and fethren ? glory , hallleluyah

Teachers taught and preachers praught? A vegetarian chops vegetable, a chickerian eats chicken and a humanitarian eats what ?

Writers write, drivers drive, but grocers cant groce?

They say HISTORY like HIS STORY abi so why cant the female version be HERSTORY

don't mention these free lessons.You are grateful... I am welcome .
Now, those of you that were pricing school fees, go back and collect your refund.. ME. i kukuma didnt finish creche till they expelled me

from d archives of the imagination of a crazee baybay..

still crazy after all these years

(c) still crazy
I am @madamedemadame

Giants of History ( book review)

The book giants of history is written by Lateef Ibirigba a commissioner for strategy and information in the Lagos state government administration. It is a 322 paged book on the historians of our world, a hundred and fifty of them actually. And going through the list there are Some we know, some we thought we knew and forgot and some we just never heard about.

Me, I know that there are some historians I never ever heard of, and may never know if I didn't read the book?

You may wonder the significance of this book? It teaches history! For those of us who didn't study history in secondary school, this is just about ideal. For instance, Deborah Samson- who knows her? No she's not the Deborah in the Bible neither is she related to the biblical samson. She was the first woman soldier who lived between the years 1765-1827 oh and did I mention that she impersonated a man. I am sure you didn't know, I didn't know either until I got the book.

Who can guess the 1st prime minister of England? I would say this book should be introduced into the Junior secondary school curriculum 1-3!

The book should be divided into 3 segments, 1st segment should deal with junior secondary 1, 2nd segment- junior secondary2 and Junior Secondary 3 respectively. By the time students are done reading the book, they would have learnt so much about their history and at the same time gained knowledge some people have been deprived off.

This is a book I strongly recommend for every home and every school. And there should be some sort of inter school history competition among schools. At least for fun and at the same time education Oh, by the way, there is a pack of cards called the giants of history. You can play with your friends and family. Its like having fun and at the same time learning!!

Hopefully, when we are done reading the book you will be inspired to make changes in your immediate environment and the world at large.

And before i bounce, let me remind you guys that knowledge is power. and there is power in reading books especially books like these. go grab a copy

Did I mention that there is a game card called the game of giants. You should try and get hold on the pack of cards and play with your friends. Its not exactly the hold on, suspension, pick five, general market last card check up kinda card games, some one pick 5!!

i am @madamedemadame

stillcrazyafteralltheseyears (C) 2014

LOST!!!

BRING BACK OUR GIRLS.


Every morning they awake
And long for the rising of the sun.
Their world is turned upside down.
Their thoughts, oh so Topsy-turvy..
Their hope(s)
Their pride(s)
Their sources of happiness and a future .
Are no where to be found...
Their lives are just in a state of complete disarray!

The Mothers are lost..
The Fathers are helpless.
The siblings are confused..

The mother(s) cries day in day out...
The father(s) lost in thought..
Helpless they both are, The sun is not shining.
Their daughter(s) are missing!
They are lost,
No, they have been abducted.

Everymorning they wake up with hope twas but a bad dream,
Alas, tis not a dream

Reality sets in
Their daughters are not home
Wipe their tears,
Give them hope ,

#bringbackourgirls.


Let them see the sun rise again...

Let them see their daughters again..
Alive...
Hale Hearty and well
#bringbackourgirls
Make them smile,
Make them laugh again ,
Reunite them with their families.
#bringbackourgirls

They are their future..
They are our future...
They are your future…
#bringbackourgirls
The mothers will long to hug their daughters again!
The fathers will long to hold their princesses again!
Their siblings will still want to tickle their sisters again.
Their friends will still want to pinch them again.
#bringbackourgirls.


Ximena (c) 2014
I am @madamedemadame
From the archives of the mischievous imagination of a crazy babe...

SAUSAGE OR SANDSAGE ROLL....

“Give a child a good sausage roll and watch him take over the world. “ PLATO 123BC

Dear makers of "sausage" "beef" roll in a sachet,
I shall make this letter as brief and “Guinness stout” as possible. Life is too short to write epistle and gospel over this matter. Moreover, when the sermon is too long the angels will fly away.

First of all , how market? shey business dey boom?
All praise to the Most high. Anyway, down to business, The caption on your wrap says " sausage” roll

The problem is when I open a wrap of "sausage" roll I expect to find original correct sausage but when I dissect the "crust" I don't see anything sausagey in it. Nor meaty, nor chewy.
Ok, wait let me guess , you will come up with the theory that the sausage will pass through some chemical process in order to prevent it from going bad abi?
But must it go through a process that will make the sausage roll taste like galvanized rubber that has gone through a horrid process of fractional distillation. ( when it is not crude oyeel)
. When will you rebase your product or are you waiting for your product to come and do GDP on you and rebase itself?
And if one makes the mistake of buying a stale one ehn...the Lord is your strength.... you will think you are chewing cardboard that they use sand paper to file.
sausage roll sha.
Thank you i rest my case jare.

From the archives of a mischievous imagination of a crazy babe Still crazy after all these years.. © 2014

I am @madamedemadame

OPEN LETTER TO BISCO

Dear power people or what ever you are called now , It is with great pleasure from the back that I write this letter.

Should I be asking how you are? That would be a waste of resources. I heard gist sha, I hear you guys were formerly known as "electricity corporation of nigeria (ECN) and that time your head was kwarect.

That if you "want to take light" ( me, I won't write cut off power supply, this letter is not english composition) As I was saying, they say you people used to announce that you want to take light.

But nay, times have changed. You will just carry light like camel that has no home training.

*inserts hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssss*

But we will light candle and start singing “ I am the future of the world , I am the hope of my nation…”

So what happened now? What changed? Ok, you people changed name to NEPA- National Electric Power Authority. (otherwise known as Never Expect Power Always.)

When authority enters something wahala must dey. You people will be flexing muscles on top of light, abeg enter iyana-oworo and flex muscles there joor.

you people did authority so tey una authority una sef to NEP PLC (No Electric Power, Please light candle)

and then you changed name again ashawo people.. to PHCN.

Power Holding Company of Nigeria ( yorubas have a saying like oruko lon so eniyan...)

And ever since you started calling your self Holding , you've been holding the light as if you will receive specially moulded slap from Lord Voldermont.

*interlude* Let there be light .... *ends interlude*

Has your life improved with this name changing and changes. ?

Shebi you know the original meaning of PHCN is PROBLEM HAS CHANGED NAME. You just changed name, no difference and And now you are BISCO- DISCO-GENCO-SISCO-REENCO-EJETERAMCO

Be giving us light 10seconds per day! Kilode, what is our offence? Did your babalawo say it is us that is doing you people ni?

This one you people are behaving like this on earth? Shey you won't carry this madness to heaven oh? will you see the road to heaven with your attitude?

Can you people see your lives outside? Sheri aiye yin lode! Upgrade your service nau, its only in this country people charge half full batteries. Spend more money on fuel than your actual "estimated, ridiculous monthly bills. Pity your conditions na. And the days you decide to give us light, we know that bill is coming the next day. Bill that even devil will shout. You kukuma cannot give us light 24/7 sef. Light that we rarely see to use and iron our cloth and watch feelim. Wait fest, Where do you people even see light to print the bills sef?

I forgot to mention something sef, you see when you suddenly cut light lojiji I just start singing “Ese ni bi eti bere Ese ibi teba de Adupe oh nepa Eti mu na lo”

I am yours sincerely @madamedemadame

From the archives of a mischievous imagination of a crazy babey still crazy after all these years. ©IYALODE 2014

TEA WAHALA

THE LIPTON FIASCO I am a tea drinker or a tea drunk. , I love tea and my tea loves me . God bless my tea and God bless me.
I drink all sorts of tea and I love it from camomile tea to green tea, to mistletoe tea to moringa tea. I love my tea. Heaven and earth may fade away, but God forbid my tea fades away.

If you do agbo in a teabag I will drink it. I have different collections of teas in my house. One fateful day I ran out of tea and eventually settled for the N20.00 lipton sachets ones, but I then decided to just go and buy a packet of tea bag and off I went to the store to go buy lipton + other groceries.

There were teas and there are teas but I had a mission to accomplish, I had to conquer the unconquerable. I saw lipton tea calling on me, pick me, pick me and I picked it and what did I see on the pack “open to win an suv “. I can actually drink tea and win and ESSUUUHUUVEEE!!! I CAN kill two birds with one stone. Somebody shout halleluyah!!!

I used my hand picked up the tea, put it in the shopping basket alongside other groceries, walked up to the till, removed money from my back pocket, smiled at the cashier while thinking of the beautiful ESSUUHUUUVEE , paid the cashier, collected my balance, carried my groceries, bye-byed the cashier, opened the door my self , called okada, climbed okada, alighted at my destination, power walked to my house, opened my gate, entered my house, sat down brought out my lipton tea bag… ( ESSUUUHUUVEEE IS MINE) , tore the wrap , opened the pack NO ESSUUUHUUUVEE inside the pack, no RAFFLE TICKET not even a TRY YOUR LUCK NEXT TIME.

Nay, they cant come and go and fall my hand like this na, no way.
I gave them the benefit of doubt . I boiled water expecting a secret message in the tea like asking me to solve a riddle or something. ( from something out of professor snape’s classes)

NOTHING!!
NO ESSHUUUVEEE!!!!!!!!! I thought it was factory error. Finished that PACKET went and bought another packet. Same thing ni oh. NO ESSHUUUVEEE!

IS THIS LIFE?
IS IT FAIR TO ALL CONCERNED!!!!
PS:: I have gone back to my PG TIPS biko.
from the archives of a mischievous imagination of a crazy babe. still crazy after all these years.

(c) IYALODE 2014

THE LAW OF OVERLORDS CHAPTER 1 VERSE 1 -END

1. Brethen, I, Iyalode ,greeteth thee and I bringeth forth glad tidings of great joy.

2. I writeth thee this day oh ye people with the greatest of joy in my heart and hopeth within me that thou art well and not weary or languid or sore distressed.?

3. I heareth that the villa needeth more overlords to fighteth the battle before us.

4. As an overlord, thou shalt willingly and freely seteth P with any handmaiden thou so desireth in the villa.

5. I bringeth thee laws of how thou shalt becometh an overlord

6. Wherefore , I reacheth out to thee this day and giveth onto thee the Laws that thou shalt abideth by if thou so desireth to be an overlord.

7. And thou shalt arise from amongst the underlords and becometh an overlord, for thou shalt doeth exceedingly great things with thy overlord statutes.

8. Was Theophilopolos not an underlord? The god of twitter showeth forth his mercy upon him and upgradeth his overlord status and now he becometh an overlord and hath goneth into the world to preach the twitpel.

9. To becometh an overlord is not a moi-moi-th thing.

10. I prayeth thee that thou shalt understandeth that the battle to becometh an overlord is not a battle of the soft hearteth

11. For we wrestleth not against gari and gin, but against every force and evil in places that sayeth thou wilt not achieveth overlordness.

12. And for thou to becometh an overlord, thou shalt obeyeth the rules and hearketh to the rules I bestoweth on thee this day.

13. Thy subjects shall exceedeth 50 scores.

14. Thy subjects shall at any time cometh to thy rescue when thine enemies striketh thee with afflictive words.

15. Thou shalt knoweth when thou shalt set P and thou shalt not just set P but SET P.

16. Thou shalt haveth plenty retweets and throweth gifts of subs.

17. Thou must be an activist and rebel against thy governor and his entourage.

18. Thou must haveth swag and thou shalt be moutheth.

19. Thou must not be foundeth wanting and neither shalt thou be neareth “nkan-nbe-eth”

20. Thou shalt be under a robust anointing to knoweth when thou attaineth the grace of overlordness and also knoweth when thou goeth off tangent.

21. Wherefore, I beseech thee that thou pondereth and medidateth on these laws as they may be most expedient for thee.

22. May the peace of the Lord be upon thee, and may the goodness of being an overlord not departeth from thine clan.

23. Greet one another with a holy kiss.

From the archives of the mischievous imagination of a crazy babe. Still crazy after all these years. (c)2013. all shekpes reserved.

Ximena writes a letter....

1. I, Iyalode of Ijeshashire , a child of God and a citizen of Nigeria greeteth thee citizens of this country especially the great Jonathaponious the ruler of aso-rock and the governor of the provinces of NASS

2. It has cometh to my knowledge in the land of zambazoosuu that thou spendeth money foolishly.

3. I heareth ASUU embarketh on a strike because ye cant affordeth to meeteth the demands of them.

4. Does thou knowest not that thou gamblest with the future of thy youths?

5. Or hasth the Herod of old dwelleth amongst thee again?

6. Or does that knoweth not that as thou goeth to war with ASUU thou givest room for chaos to develop? As the youths may taketh up devices of the devil and becometh something else to the kingdom. Does thou knoweth not that an idle mind is the devil's workshop?

7. Wait! I heareth that thou ordereth for 53 gold plated iphones to celebrateth thy forth coming independence? i shocketh, i sigheth, i shaketh my head.

8. Is thou welleth at all?

9. Has thou solveth ASUU issue and putted food on the tables of thy citizens. ? Or does thou knoweth not that “vanity upon vanity, all is vanity” .

10. God watcheth and seeth all that ye dideth and shall exposeth thee all in the open.

11. Thou lettest me down, does thou knoweth not that the money for the phones can feedeth and clotheth and sponsoreth and giveth a new lease of life to the orphans and the widows?

12. Thou buyeth iphones at the expense of the future of the youths of thy country?

13. Does thou knoweth not that if thou buyeth the iphones thou shalt chargeth it in thy land with no power supply? Does thou knoweth not that NEPA can decideth to bloweth thy original charger and fryeth the panel of the phone? As they are no respecter of phones and man.

14. And then shalt thou begin to scamper all around computer and GSM village like a goat on heat, Or does thou hopeth to exported damaged phones for repairs?

15. May God forbideth such lest the gold plated iphones putteth thee in gobe.

16. And now I pray thee that thou negotiateth with ASUU and reacheth an agreement and calleth off the strike as the strike remaineth unpleasant to I and others.

17. Thou shalt likewise sharpeth thy brain and forfeiteth the idea of iphones and continueth to useth thy kpalasa phone thou has been using from time immemorial.

18. Greet one another with a holy kiss.

19. I resteth my case.

From the archives of the mischievous imagination of a crazybabe Stillcrazy after all these years. © Sept. 2013

Excuse me while i rant.

Excuse me while I rant But if you want to grumble go and jog round sahara desert then come back here, I will be waiting with a bottle of hot coca-cola of Life.

Where do I start from? My beloved country a land that once was calm and beautiful. It seems the centre no longer holds sef.?
The nation is no longer calm and sadly, some people haven’t gotten the memo that there’s fire on the mountain.
Where is the Nigeria of yesteryears? The Nigeria our parents loved and fondly talked about? The Nigeria our forefathers fought for?

Those who fought for our freedom must be rolling in their graves right now. The labours of our heroes past seems to be in vain. This is not the Nigeria they fought for? Who wants to fight for a country that is so ridden with corruption that I wonder how long it will take for them to legalize it sef?
A country that is as old as we are and after years of ‘independence’ we suffer from a chronic case of epileptic waraparicious power supply and somebody blames it on the winches? ( Abeg, free them winshes)
Like power supply isn’t an issue already, Boko Haram rears its ugly head and it is difficult for us to find a solution, but it is easy to pay an intelligence agency to spy on the internet activities of innocent ones like yours truly?
Boko Haram has been destroying lives and properties since God knows when and they are still gaining momentum. When are we going to deal with this boko Haram issue sef? Is it until they wipe out the entire nation? Or are you waiting for them to die a natural death?

Jesus Wept!!!

Maybe you don’t realize the magnitude of this wahala. Perhaps, you will when they cripple the economic activities in the north. Who knows you may just be on top of the situation and you are working towards crushing them in June. Except it was June of 2012 or is it 20-gbogboro Wake up who ever is in charge and smell the bongo tea.

Are you tired of listening to me rant? I just started..

As if this is not enough, ASUU is on strike and 40+ days later, we are frying puff-puff to mark the traditional 40 days outing service. Why?
It has gotten to a point that ASUU strike (ASK 340) is now a compulsory module and a course requirement for all undergrads. Shame!!! Oh btw, ASK340 --- means AsuuStriKe It has become a norm.
It seems your university education is incomplete without this course module. LE SIGH

Toh, After all has been ‘striked ‘and ‘struked’ our nearly done- half baked- medium rare graduates are thrown into the labour market. The market that never closes. How bad is that?
0 We deserve applause; so far we are going just great. Still trying to process this, behold another shocker!

CHILD NOT BRIDE .

As it is, it is the joy and life ambition of some perverted mentally derailed drosophila melagasta of a sorry excuse of a beast of no gender to marry a child. How real can you be? You feel comfortable marrying a child who is just discovering life and you make her a wife?
A huge responsibility like marriage on a child who doesn’t understand why y = 2x. But wait, have you given out your girl child (ren) in marriage(s) and you feel comfortable marrying one? If you don’t see any thing wrong in it, biko go and deep ya head in bar beach, you need liberation. And may God forgive you as you do so. Amen.
For what you are doing is man’s inhumanity to an innocent girl child.
Of course, I am just ranting. By the time you pipu will close this link, we shall forget all I have said.

Abeg , lemme go and look for cold coke to drink jare..
I cant come and go and kill myself..

From the archives of the mischievous imagination of a crazy babay Still crazy, still normal and loving it... Ximena © 2013

SEND FORTH TO "YONDER"

I am being mischievous, if you wanna rejoin this issue, I beg you first of all go and mop the bar beach then you can come back and preach , you have the floor


Has anyone ever wondered or is it just me why we hold elaborate parties for our dearly departed? AS in “the liveband-fightoverRiceandPoundedYam kind of party oh (and no party is successful without someone complaining about not being served).

If they don’t complain, you aint doing it right.

Back to my story:

Someone dies and we celebrate the life they lived before (whether or not it was worth emulating) Whether they stole money and built houses in Dubai or they stole money and did the Robin Hood approach. We sha must celebrate a life well spent?

Toh, was the life indeed well spent or well wasted???

I sha don’t understand when they say they are not celebrating the life of the person but that they are sending forth the person.

Edakun (Excuse me) , sending forth to where???

Help me out!!!

You are sending someone forth to the great beyond and you are here on earth wining and dining and you leave them in a box? If you are sending them forth, shouldn’t you provide them with some “items” to take along for the journey??

Items like kulikuli, ijebu gari, roasted corn, agbalumo, fried fish , tinco etc. Should you not send them along with their degrees, dips and certificates, just in case they find a more “promising “ job in the “great beyond”

And also, some good clothes too. Abi you want them to starve and be naked in the “great beyond”

And besides, they probably will need a job too.

Abi efe kin wo shonkpa losi great beyond ni ( you want them to go there empty handed? )

Another one that baffles me, someone dies ( as in somersaults and dies( soggingly lojiji ) suddenly and burial takes place within that week. And then aso-ebi is out already.

Were they waiting for the person to die ni?

And those people who sing and dance to “ile lonlo tarara” how sure are you that “ile lonlo tarara”

Ile (home) might very well be Hades Or it may be heaven When you people are busy singing and dancing to “ile lon lo tarara” and the person is in hell nko? Do you know how many curses they will be pouring out from the “great beyond” especially if you used the monies they left behind for the parry???

Small time you people will say someone is doing you.

Curse cant catch you ba?

OkbYE.
I’m out
From the archives of the mischievous imagination of a crazy baybay Still crazy after all these years © 2013

AKPRADO THE GIVER!

The Gospel as recorded in the book of Dashington Chapter 1: 1-15

1.
And thou shalt soar thy wild oats upon the land and have many baby mamas.
2.
Thou shalt have half a score
3.
Wherefore thou shalt waketh up one day and decided to take the bone of thy bone
4.
And thou shalt arise and proceedeth to the land of Ibom which lieth the town of Yuo
5.
Ye shalt choose upon thy self a handmaiden( one of thy bàby mamas) from the lineage of Mac as wife.
6.
And thou shalt be merry with all pomp and pageantry.
7.
And this union shall be pleasing in the sight of the king of yuo and he shall bestow upon thee and thy handmaiden and gift of a beast from the east and thou shalt name the beast "PRADO".
8.
And now thou shalt proceed across the waters to a land where thou shalt be joined in holy matrimony with thy handmaiden.
9.
Thou shalt steal the shine from whoever tieth the knot on that day.
10.
Thou shalt infiltrate social media and trend on twitter.
11.
And behold, a man called David the son of Mark shall bestow upon thee another. gift and thou shalt name it FERRARI .
12.
And the people shalt screameth and curseth the son of Mark for such evils.
13.
And thou shalt return to thy father's land and take care of thy baby mamas
14.
And thou shalt seek out Ximena the daughter of Ona-A
15.
And thou shalt give her the ferrari and the Lord shalt bless thee and thy soul unto this day.
FROM the mischievous imagination of a crazy babe still crazy after all these years (C) 2013